feelings...

Right now i have  a mixture of feelings. Have you ever gotten into a fight and said really stupid shit & then feeling incredibly fucking awful? Even if all you said was "Yeah mom as if i liked living here anyway!" No need for rude words you know? Sometimes all it takes is to form a sentence without even thinking about it and say it, spit it out.

So today mom came home and we got into a fight, no need for details... I'm not in the mood for details. I said that. & didn't even listen to what she had to say, an hour later my dad comes home and he tells me mom's having a surgery. Nothing serious, but a surgery is a surgery & no matter how simple it is, it will scare the shit out of anyone! I feel soooo dkljfaslfkafñadslfk ....  Not a word, but you get me right? 

Ugh i'm crying, i'm mad, i'm sad, i'm depressed, i'm just dñfkdjfasñlfkajsñlkj.... I'm so stupid & the cherry of the ice cream ... I'm a fat whale!!! I'm so disgusted with myself! I'm so big and gross!!! Ugh :'(  I feel like saying so many thing, but then again i say nothing! Words never come out right! I hate myself so much right now! Not only cause of how acted with mom  but also cause i've been stuffing myself with cals & fat for the past 2 days! I fucking hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!jñdlkfadjñflkadjasdñlkf

College is over!!

Yess i'm soo exited! 2 weeks vacation!! :D 

I'm gonna tidy up my room

AND I want to lose 6 more kg!! :D 

I came up with this plan

4 day detox - fruit! 

Exercise

I'll exercise at home so i don't get bored. 

Up - down stairs - 30 times

Elliptical - 30 min

Dance - 45 min

Ping pong - 1 hour (before going to bed)
Jumping jacks

Outdoors - Walk my dog :) 

THINSPO

I gotta go, we're going out to celebrate classes are OVVVVEEEER! :D

I'm reading blogs tomorrow! :D 

Love ya all!

SPAIN WORLD CUP CHAMPION!!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!!!!!!!!!!!

Spain -World cup champion AND fair play

Iker Casillas - Golden glove

HOWWW AWESOME!!!! :D Couldn't be happier!! They deserved it!! Oh yess!! :D

Back, no college hasn't killed me yet, and in a bit of control of my intakes. YAY

Yessss i managed to finish a statistics STUPID project beforehand! :D I have 1 more project, and finals. But whatever, i'll study tomorrow! :D 

Soo... I've been doing good with food! I guess, except for yesterday ... But i'm just not gonna talk about it! 2 days of liquid fast. Today, i had a 2 glasses of fat free milk, cup of coffee and 2 oranges.& i've walked, quite a LOT. I haven't weighed cause i am scared. I don't know why, cause i know haven't been doing bad. BUT STILL! Ugh, besides when i weigh i want to get a big pretty surprise! Haha, like maybe i've lost like 10 pounds or something. Wishful thinking? Haha, nope! It'll be like that. :D

I hate college! I just do... I love my friends, but i can't stand studying something i won't enjoy working in. That's just life, i guess. But i'll get through it, i know what i want. I know i WILL be there some day. So no worries! :)

So now off to read and update with your lifes! :D

COLLEGE IS GONNA KILL ME

I swear, sorry i haven't posted nor read your blogs but i've got so much to do,  worst is i don't even enjoy it! Liquid fast went great for two days only. Today wasn't that awful but i had solid food. I gotta go, i'll be back as soon as college crap is over!! Which is in like about 3 days. :D

kebab, falafel, hummus

Hello to my new lovely follower, Ancora. :)

Why can't i do well for 5 days in a road, at least? Yesterday went as planned,  there was pretty much nothing for me to eat. Except for some zucchini my sister in law had roasted for me. Thank god my parents didn't even worry about what i was going to eat, so i had a really small portion. 

Yesterday went great!  

Today, not that great. Woke up & my dad had cooked us breakfast. Just because, he is a happy lovely man who likes to wake up early every Sunday he can and cook breakfast for his family. I love him. But i hate how good of a cook he is. He made us grilled cheese toasts, fresh orange juice and fruit salad. 

I wasn't gonna eat anything else for the rest of the day. I hanged out with a few friends and at about 4 pm they were hungry so we went eat veggie kebab, falafel and hummus. :S How many cals? No idea. Gosh. 

I PROMISE, liquid diet. TOMORROWif i don't i'll have a punishment. Can't think of one now but i'll come up with a really good one. 

Love ya!! :D

Life is fragile.

Ohhhh screwed screwed up yesterday!

1) BYEBYE brazil!! Haha :P

2) Yesssss for Uruguay! :D

3) And a big FUCK MY LIFE for Argentina! :( FUCK, sucks sucks... I can't believe history has repeated... Argentina defeated my Germans. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Haha, sorry i notice none of you ever talk about world cup. Haha but i am really REALLY into it! :D Uruguay vs Ghana ... OOOH MYY GOSH! What a gameee! Luis Suarez... hahaha what a happy way of being expelled!  Anyway, enough of world cup. Time to food trouble...

My friends and i are really into world cup, we wanted Brazil to lose... So they came to my house to watch the game. Games here start at 8:00 in the morning. So they came by at about 7:30 and asked them if they wanted anything to eat. They said they were going to make pancakes, so i helped them cook. Everything was going well cause i told them i had eaten before they came so i was just going to drink some orange juice.

But noo, cause you know i am weak and stupid! So i ended up eating THREE pancakes with arequipe! Yes, not even honey... BUT AREQUIPE!! Orange juice, coffee...

Yuck! ... So yes i ate. It was a pretty disastrous day! We finished eating... And we were jumping and screaming and blah blah cause Holanda was winning the game. Suddenly Ally (one of my best friends) had a respiratory attack! So i think i mentioned in a past post that i one of my friends has cystic fibrosis. It's Ally. It was so scary cause we didn't know what to do! & she couldn't breath! She ran to the bathroom and threw up, thank God that helped her breath. I worry so much, life is so fragile and she tells us she knows she may die any time... So she just wants to enjoy life. Life's a bitch you know. Ally is such a nice girl, she is so full of life, she is so much fun to be around, she's always laughing... But with cystic fibrosis that just doesn't matter, you can get worse anytime, no matter how well you go with your treatment. Life sucks.

Anyway, when she got better she told us "WOW this game is LITERALLY gonna kill me, hahaha"... I was like DUDE you fucking scared me! But she has always been that way, she doesn't wanna worry us. & she says she won't let her illness ruin her happy moments, so always... as soon as she feels better she starts telling jokes and laughing and blah bla. I love her so much, & i am so scared of losing her. I pray she'll be fine and that the treatments will let her stay with us 20 years more. I know she'll come through, she's a strong girl. 

So that was basically my day... In the afternoon i met up with Mech at a cafe cause we hadn't talked in two weeks! & blah blah, there we were when my ex comes in with his girlfriend. FUCK, so last time i so that fucking girl she was a bit fat. Now she is thin! Still ugly ugly face, but good body. FUCK!!! No i don't love my ex but i just hate how he is so happy with that skinny bitch and the closest i am to a man loving me is Nic, my dog. How fucking pathetic is that? ... Anyway, i didn't say anything, i drank too much coffee. Later that day i walked home and i was sooo mad, i listened to music and tried to calm down. I fell asleep and when i woke up i was so incredibly hungry. I had only eaten the three pancakes, so i thought ommmm i'm gonna have glass of milk. YEAH RIGHT, i ended up binging! Yes, BINGING... FUCK FOOD FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT!! That was yesterday.

Of course, tomorrow is another day. & that day is today. I've had a glass of oat milk. & that's it, no nothing until 7:00 pm. I'm going to my bro's cause they are making dinner again. Thank God it's BBQ night, so there won't be much for me to eat. :) Wish me luck. 

I'm still sad and mad cause Argentina lost the game, BUT i won't use that as an excuse to eat. No ladies! :) I love you all, & thank you for your lovely comments!

Lions & pictures!

I am back! 

This has been a really hectic college week. Two more to go & i'm done with college! :) 

Last week I left on a road trip with 3 other friends! We were going to make a few stops along the way in different towns. But we ended up staying in the first town for the rest of the days, cause Lori we'll call her. Lori's boyfriend lives there & the rest of her family, so we had free bed to sleep. There you go. We had so much fun!

We went hiking and then we laid down on top of the mountain. With such a beautiful view, pure air... My fears disappeared... I thought about all of my dreams & i felt like i could do whatever the hell i wanted. ;)

 Look how pretty!

Lori knew the owners of the zoo's town. They let us play with the baby lions!!

Okay, WOW i can't believe what i just did. I guess i'm getting over my paranoid state. Yes that's me. Fat, i know. Really, what are the odds of my friends or family finding this blog? I'll take the risk. Basically, that's me carrying a baby lion...

I had fun. Thing is... i ate. Like a normal person? My friend's mom cooked us everyday! I couldn't say no :S. Then i felt guilty. I never binged, but i ate! & that's the problem, EATING.  I haven't weigh, i don't feel like i gained that much, so i am not really that worried. I'm cleaning my system, i'll make a 4 day liquid diet. Anyone joins me? 

Love ya all!