Stopped the fasting, pigging out at taco bell is so much fun. ¬¬

Dan asked me out today but i couldn't go cause i was in the city.

C, well he really is into me, it's official. We're going out tomorrow. 

Lu told me Dan was jealous of C, when he found out C fancied me Dan started writing me every daaay and then asking me ouut blah blah.

I fancy DAN. I am going out with C but i really wish it was otherwise. And i feel like crap for that! 

It sucks cause Dan, apparently he fancies me, but... I have no fucking idea if he really is serious or he just wants to play around with me. Or if he actually really does like me? He doesn't say a thing!

Dan and C are both like "OMG tilda is such a good girl blah blah blah.", they are sort of friends, C is doing more than Dan is. But i want Dan. DAN DAN DAN!

I've been fasting for TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D Feel freaking gooooood!

Dan... 

So... I dont... Get him... 

On Monday he put a song on my facebook wall... It a song from a band he talked to me about on Saturday and i told him I had heard them but i didn't fall for their music... So he puts this song and writes... "Hmmm hope you start falling in love with them,! Don't just listen this song...  Feel it... And you are going to find a reason to like it!"

I thought... Oookay. I listened to the song and oh boy... I thought "Tilda do not be stupid! He didn't say ... hey i am actually dedicating this song to YOU" ... But i can't help it! The song relates so much to what happened on Saturday... It's in spanish, but it kinda says "I fancy you but I am not sure if you like me so i don't know how to say it" and then there's this bit that says "It's so easy to say it but so hard to find the right moment, cause you seem to fancy me. You stand there so close to me, then you smile and so i know..."

And then Lu tells me he asked if I had said anything about him, and Lu told him.. .uh why? And he said I just want to know if she like my company, you know? 

Then we talk and he's all sweet and then not sweet and UGH, i do not fucking get him.

FUCK IT, I know boys are pricks and I shouldn't get all overexcited with Dan cause he may just be playing around with me. Ugh UGH UGH

FUCK IT

Hate weekends, there's food everyyywhere. 

I'm so upset. 

I went out with Dan yesterday. & it was so... NOT GOOD. 

I mean, i did had a good time, we spoke about soo many things he's very open minded and intelligent. He didn't make a move, he didn't even show interest in me in thaat way, you know? It was more like a friend date. It sucked. And i am so upset, cause somehow i like him even more. And i know he likes me less. What's wrong with me?

I am so stupid and so lame, and i will die alone.

Dec 7

So hungry again. And today i ate a lot more.

Half a pita bread with 2 falafel balls, lettuce, cucumber, onion, tomato and 1 spoon of hummus

2 bites of a snicker's chocolate bar 

That's all i ate for today. I'm hungry and i feel awesome.

Dan, oh boy.  I fancy him so so so much. But he's no serious about me so i guess i'll have to let it go. 

C asked me out. This other dude, he's kinda cute. I'll see what happens.

HUNGER

It's midnight and i am SO HUNGRY. I had 1 honey cacker and 1 cup of tea in the afternoon. That's all i ate today. In fact it's been quite a while since i ate so little. My tummy is growliiiinnng, but it feels so so good. So good it's scary, i know i'm hurting myself, why do i enjoy it so much?. 

Dan, Dan, Dan... Can't take him off of my mind.

Dec, 3

Omg, i suck as a blogger. I'm sorry for that. Been gone for too long, not posting and not commenting.

Don't ask me about my weight. I haven't weight. I've had 2 awful weeks, and 1 amazing week (this week). I haven't fast but i've eaten too little it makes me feel so good. Hope i can keep up this way next week, and the week after that one. I want to look pretty for new year's eve.

Not going to the hospital anymore, and not working at the kiosk either. I'm now working at a Spanish School, booooring. I answear emails, and arrange everything the students need before they come. Homestay, teacher, transportation, etc. Now i work from 2 pm - 5 pm

I'm good. Family's still the same, but whatever. Nothing i can do but smile and hope for a better future, you know?

I'm starting to fancy Dan, far too much! Remember him? He's so not good, i guess. He drinks, he somkes, cigars AND Dooby... a lot of girls are behind him, EASY girls, who of course i'm sure he would prefer over me. He's too crazy. Though of all we've spoken he has a lot of goals, and he tells me he knows he's too OUUT THERE right now, but he's like "hey i'm 23, i want to enjoy life! In 5 years from today i won't be doing all this crazy shit i do, i have goals and i'm working on them but i want to enjoy my youth, you know?".

But when he hugs me, and i'm like... Hug me forever, please? on Monday after Real Madrid vs Barcelona match, Lu and i meet up with him and we drank beer and they got a little drunk. Later on when i got back home, i checked my facebook and he had sent me a message saying: "Hey tils! There are so many reasons why a man feels attracted to a woman. Many people say it's personality... others say it's  looks. Me, well i fall in love with the innocence of someone who without making much effort, when you look her in the eyes she makes you fall in love with her inner peace and tranquility... Hey, i just wanted to tell you what i feel and think about you. Sleep well!"

Next day 

Lu tells me, DUDE what's going on between you and Dan?.. 

Me: UH, what do you know? ... 

She says, he just told me he felt awful cause he got drunk and wrote you something,  but he didn't say what!. 

Me: lol, Lu, he got drunk and said this and that... but he was drunk, so whatever..." 

Lu: lol, he's such a dork!!! He fancies you tilda, at least that's what i believe, he hasn't said it to me, but i've asked him and he gets all nervous and tells me, oh well uh she's such a cute girl, i mean she's pretty and fun to be around with, you know? Uh ... but uh... forget it!!" 

Me: He's too crazy, he's a player, i won't pay attention to him, okay? 

Lu: "C'mon, maybe he is too crazy for you, but hey, who knows what can happen?" 

Me, you know i won't just make out or have sex with him, YOU KNOW ME. And YOU KNOW HIM. 

Lu: Yeah well... We'll see? :) 

Me: whatever...

I didn't answear the message he sent me, i mean, what was i supposed to say?  HE WAS DRUNK!!! And he's a player. I know he is, why must i believe a few pretty words written to me ON FACEBOOK AND BY A DRUNK BOY? Hm... No tilda. Do not fall for him, you'll only end up hurt. 

Yet,  here i am, thinking about him.

I saw him again on thursday and he acted really nervous, still hug me and stuff but he looked at me and smiled and i said what? And he said uh uh nothing :), and he did that most of the day! Haha... And we've spoken, and he's all cute and so lovely and goofy but he hasn't mentioned anything about the message he sent me!

I'm sorry to get you bored with my stupid stories, i know i haven't read you lately. I'll work on it right after i finish writing. Love you and miss you all.