800 caloris/day = 5.5 kg less/month?

I read something quit interesting.

Apparently a study was published in the New England Journal of Medicine about how eating more proteins makes you lose weight. What caught my attention is that, 772 families participated and it says that adults lead a 8 weeks intake of 800 calories per day. By the end they had lost about 11 kg each! 

Meaning they lost 1.3 kg per week! 

I don't know where i am at right now. Things seem to be getting worse and worse. I feel like saying a lot, but i end up saying nothing. Pain. I've found dad crying, dad. My hero, my daddy. Mom cries, my sister tries to help, i try to help, but i there's not a thing we can do now. Just wait til life decides to stop being such a bitch. Have nothing else to say.

When words fail, music speaks.

• Broken - Lifehouse
• "I'm hanging on another day... Just to see what you will throw my way"
• Funhouse - Pink  
• "This used to be a funhouse... But now it's full of evil clowns..."
• Under the bridge - Red hot chilli peppers
• "It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there it's hard to believe that I'm all alone at least I have her love the city she loves me lonely as I am together we cry"
• Tears and rain - James Blunt
• "I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble... it's more than just words: it's just tears and rain."
•  Hold on - Jet
• When it’s hard to be yourself it’s not to be someone else still everything’s so far away that you forget where you are..."

I've gained.

Last week's failure fucked it all up. I was going to update with a picture today. I though: "Hey, it musn't be thaaaat bad." ... HAHA, awful. I've made the comparison with the last picture. & my tummy, is all out again. Like just, NOT PRETTY. FAT FAT FAT FUCKING FAT. I'm sorry but i'll show you pictures where there's only positive progress. Gosh, i want to fucking hide from the world.

I'm going for a two days fast. WATER, nothing else. Anyone, feel free to join. 

& girls, tell me... What you do to go on with a water fast? How do you stay motivated? I haven't done it in a while now. Advice?

Fast will be  November 18 and 19.

I feel...

I feel

...

Lonely.

Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angels
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I drive on her streets
'Cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
'Cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

It's hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all that way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away.

Under the bridge - Red hot chilli peppers

August 16

Today's intake 

 Breakfast

1 cup of milk - 90 

1 cup of special k - 120

1slice of whole wheat bread - 80

1 tspn of strawberry marmalade - 53

Lunch

2 slices of whole wheat bread - 160

1 tomato -  35

zucchini - 50

1 slice of yellow cheese - 60

4 small, fat free cinnamon cookies - 90

Total = 738 - 800 cals.

Not much to say. I'm bored. Got back from the hospital and have nothing to do. I've been reading hp and the deathly hallows, OMG OMG FRIDAY 19TH OMGGGG. I'm quitting the hospital. Not sure when but i will. Mom, she's always been a crafty woman. She took several candle making classes and she used to make candles for Christmas and give them to as gifts to family and friends. So, this year she wants to sell them! She even signed up to another candle making class and she wants to put a candles kiosk at a mall. I offered to work at the kiosk at least for this month, it's gonna be boooring cause i have to be there from 9 am to 7 pm. Good thing is, nobody around to see what i "eat". Hmmm, hope things turn out fine and we are given the kiok. :) 

I love Emma Watson! Do you?

How perfect does ones body have to be that such dress fits perfectly?

I'm officially going to heeeeeell.

Today's intake

1 cup of milk - 90 

1 cup of special k - 120

1 egg - 80

2 slices of whole wheat bread - 160

2 tsp dijon mustard - 10 

1 tomato -  35

zucchini - 50

Total - 545 - 600 cals

Hello my lovelies! :) So... Here's the thing. I'm not a mean person, i'm not i'm not i'm not! But... Don't you just hate fat chicks who think they are TOTALLY HOT? 

I know this girl, i hate her not because she's fat but because she an ass kisser at college, she's FAT. I'd say 300 pounds. Worst is, you know how some girls are fat but they have pretty eyes, or pretty hair. Well this girl... Well... NOTHING works for this poor thing. Funny thing is she thinks she is so totally GORGEOUS. I mean...

Facebook - Mobile Uploads = 150 pictures. About 135 are pictures of herself, you know. On the mirror or of her with silly pouty lips, making faces. Damn can't she see how ugly she is?

Gosh i'm being so mean. :S But hey, she's not a good person either. So whatever.

WARNING, LONG POST

Hello my loves.

How have you all been doing? 

I've missed you! You know that, right? :)

Well I have to be honest. This wasn't my best week. I did great for the past... what? 3, 4 weeks? I haven't had a week like this one in a loooong time. It's not pretty. I haven't weighed. I won't weigh! Too damn scary and i'm sure i put a a few pounds these week. But hey, i'm a positive state right now. So, no worries. I'll lose them. -700cals a day worked perfect. So i'll do it again. Today i finished up 1/2 lt of vanilla ice cream. Yeah, what a failure. 

Sucky week. 

Dan, you remember him? Well  2 weeks ago he told Lu to tell Allie and me if we wanted to go to a concert. It's this not famous band who plays covers. They are good though. I was so overexcited cause i really wanted to see him! It was so much fun. TOO MUCH FUN. After the concert we went to have some beer. Dan sat next to me and he was all sweet and goofy, and he touched my leg and he touched my arm and he played with my hair and he kept on telling me i was such a nice girl, so much fun to be with blah blah blah. & i was all bubbly... Oh well. I even caught him telling Lu: "Luuu, tilda is so wonderful!! :)"

It was all going well until... apparently NOW Lu thinks Dan and Allie make a good couple, or well... good "one night stand". WHAT? Yes. I don't blame her, i mean they have no idea i'm into Dan. At least that's what i think. I've learned not to tell people when i fancy someone. They just end up screwing it up. ANYWAY.  Lu started bugging allie and Daan and OHHH HMMM DAAAN YOU SEE ALLIEE OHHH UUHHH EEEHH IIIH.  & i was like FUCK. I mean he didn't pay much attention to them BUT he did pay a little. I mean he "blushed" a few times and was all "hmm yeah alliee hmm ;)". I thought okay, whatever. WHO FUCKING CARES. 

Anyway by the end of the night we were a bit drunk and we got reealllly high. & i completely lost his attention. & Allie was daancing, DUDE she was acting sooo sluty! I didn't know that side of her! Funny thing is i was with Dan, singing jumping & dancing, & he was all OHH TILDA I LOVE THIS SONG LISTEN LISTEEN... And Allie was so drunk and she started dancing in a slightly very much SLUTY way in front of him. 

That night we stayed over at  Lu's house. Dan was going to stay at Ty's house (Dan's friend)  but Allie literally PUSHED him inside the Lu's house so he stayed with us. Anyway i sit down on Lu's bed and Dan sat next to me. We were talking... blah bla. & Lu said... "Dan you don't think you're going to sleep on my bed do youu? You guys (i assumed Dan & me)  should use the blue sofa. & one stays in with me.  I was going to stand up and go to the sofa ... and what happens? ALLIE runs to the sofa and intalls her butt there!!! I thought, "oh well... We're still a bit drunk, whatever i'm gonna sleep in Lu's bed." I mean the sofa is in the same room, BUT STILL. 

So, Allie and Dan sharing a sofa. Allie starts saying "omgosh but it's gonna be so cold later, i'll want somebody to hug meeeee" (with a whiny voice) I said, "Yeah, you should've thought about that before jumping to the sofa!... Night Allie" ... Dan laughed and fell asleep. I couldn't sleep so i turn on the tv. ... Allie says: "OMGOSH IT'S SO HOT IN HERE, Luuu borrow me a pijamaa please!" Lu gave her one and we thought Allie was going to the bathroom to change. NOT.

SHE FUCKING STOOD UP IN FRONT OF DAN, who was asleep by now but still!!!, AND FUCKING TAKES HER CLOTHES OFF!!! I SAID DUUUUUUDE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?. And by now SHE WAS NOT FUCKING DRUNK ANYMORE! BUT SHE ACTED DRUNK!!! And she said "oh just don't look tilda! I'm putting on some pijamas!" ... I turned off the tv and tried to fall asleep. BUT I WAS JUST TOO FUCKING MAD.I mean how desperate and pathetic does one have to be to act SO FUCKING SLUTY??!?!!? 

Okay. It's just a story. I love Allie, she's one of my best friends. BUT DAMN, she fuck it up, didn't she? I mean, DUDE where's your reputation? 

Anyway. Next morning Lu's grandma died. So we pretty much forgot about everything and were there to support her. We head off to our houses to take a bath. & we met up at 3 at the funeral. Dan arrived at 4. So stupid... But when he said hiii, he grabbed my neck and gave me a kiss on the cheak. So sweet. LOL. 

Anyway. Through out the week we spoke a few times and them he wrote me on facebook. He asked me how i have been, When we were going to see each other again... I told him i might meet him at UC college last wednesday cause i had and exam and i had to go. He didn't answer back. On wednesday i went to UC and he was there and he didn't treat me the same. He acted a bit cold. He didn't grabbed my neck and kissed my cheak. So i thought: "OH WELL, same story different people. Should've known it"  I walked away, made my exam.  & yes. When i got back home i ate half a pizza. :) 

Haven't heard of him since then. & i've been stuffing myself with whatever comes my way. Pizza, popcorn, ice cream, waffles, grilled cheese sandwiches, chocolate. I mean will i ever be enough for a boy? Will i ever be enough pretty? Enough thin? Enough wild? (which i'm not, at all) 

:( I'm sorry. I'm ending it TODAY.  No more crappy food.

I

Hello my loves.

I'm a sucky blogger, i know. I'm sorry. 

Still going to the hospital, now from 7 am till 2:30 pm. 

I've been studying for my stupid finals.

I've been studying for college admission exams. (Yes, next year i'll be oficially a future biologist!) 

My sweet nephew was born last thursday so whatever free time i have i use it to go visit him. He's the cutest little thing i've seen. I love him so much. He doesn't have to do much, you know?  Just stay there, asleep, make some cute noice and i completely melt. 

FOOD. 

Well i had two super awesome weeks. I lost, everybody notice which isn't that cool cause i hate it when people go "oh you look thinner" ... My macroeconomics professor even said to me "Tilda have you stopped eating? Haha, you look so much thinner!" I loled and said yeah right, you know stress leads to, right? Lol lol *giggles*. I haven't weighed, i'm sorry. I'm a coward. I know i have lost, but i'm still afraid of weighing.

But this week has been AWFUL. I've been eating so much crap. I'm so stressed. I guess that's one of the reasons i've been soo scared of the scale this past 4 days.

Now i gotta go finish some homework and study for today's final. Wish me luck. Just a few more days and i'm back on track with all of you lovelies. I love you. Hope you are doing great! 

xoxo