Stopped the fasting, pigging out at taco bell is so much fun. ¬¬

Dan asked me out today but i couldn't go cause i was in the city.

C, well he really is into me, it's official. We're going out tomorrow. 

Lu told me Dan was jealous of C, when he found out C fancied me Dan started writing me every daaay and then asking me ouut blah blah.

I fancy DAN. I am going out with C but i really wish it was otherwise. And i feel like crap for that! 

It sucks cause Dan, apparently he fancies me, but... I have no fucking idea if he really is serious or he just wants to play around with me. Or if he actually really does like me? He doesn't say a thing!

Dan and C are both like "OMG tilda is such a good girl blah blah blah.", they are sort of friends, C is doing more than Dan is. But i want Dan. DAN DAN DAN!

I've been fasting for TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D Feel freaking gooooood!

Dan... 

So... I dont... Get him... 

On Monday he put a song on my facebook wall... It a song from a band he talked to me about on Saturday and i told him I had heard them but i didn't fall for their music... So he puts this song and writes... "Hmmm hope you start falling in love with them,! Don't just listen this song...  Feel it... And you are going to find a reason to like it!"

I thought... Oookay. I listened to the song and oh boy... I thought "Tilda do not be stupid! He didn't say ... hey i am actually dedicating this song to YOU" ... But i can't help it! The song relates so much to what happened on Saturday... It's in spanish, but it kinda says "I fancy you but I am not sure if you like me so i don't know how to say it" and then there's this bit that says "It's so easy to say it but so hard to find the right moment, cause you seem to fancy me. You stand there so close to me, then you smile and so i know..."

And then Lu tells me he asked if I had said anything about him, and Lu told him.. .uh why? And he said I just want to know if she like my company, you know? 

Then we talk and he's all sweet and then not sweet and UGH, i do not fucking get him.

FUCK IT, I know boys are pricks and I shouldn't get all overexcited with Dan cause he may just be playing around with me. Ugh UGH UGH

FUCK IT

Hate weekends, there's food everyyywhere. 

I'm so upset. 

I went out with Dan yesterday. & it was so... NOT GOOD. 

I mean, i did had a good time, we spoke about soo many things he's very open minded and intelligent. He didn't make a move, he didn't even show interest in me in thaat way, you know? It was more like a friend date. It sucked. And i am so upset, cause somehow i like him even more. And i know he likes me less. What's wrong with me?

I am so stupid and so lame, and i will die alone.

Dec 7

So hungry again. And today i ate a lot more.

Half a pita bread with 2 falafel balls, lettuce, cucumber, onion, tomato and 1 spoon of hummus

2 bites of a snicker's chocolate bar 

That's all i ate for today. I'm hungry and i feel awesome.

Dan, oh boy.  I fancy him so so so much. But he's no serious about me so i guess i'll have to let it go. 

C asked me out. This other dude, he's kinda cute. I'll see what happens.

HUNGER

It's midnight and i am SO HUNGRY. I had 1 honey cacker and 1 cup of tea in the afternoon. That's all i ate today. In fact it's been quite a while since i ate so little. My tummy is growliiiinnng, but it feels so so good. So good it's scary, i know i'm hurting myself, why do i enjoy it so much?. 

Dan, Dan, Dan... Can't take him off of my mind.

Dec, 3

Omg, i suck as a blogger. I'm sorry for that. Been gone for too long, not posting and not commenting.

Don't ask me about my weight. I haven't weight. I've had 2 awful weeks, and 1 amazing week (this week). I haven't fast but i've eaten too little it makes me feel so good. Hope i can keep up this way next week, and the week after that one. I want to look pretty for new year's eve.

Not going to the hospital anymore, and not working at the kiosk either. I'm now working at a Spanish School, booooring. I answear emails, and arrange everything the students need before they come. Homestay, teacher, transportation, etc. Now i work from 2 pm - 5 pm

I'm good. Family's still the same, but whatever. Nothing i can do but smile and hope for a better future, you know?

I'm starting to fancy Dan, far too much! Remember him? He's so not good, i guess. He drinks, he somkes, cigars AND Dooby... a lot of girls are behind him, EASY girls, who of course i'm sure he would prefer over me. He's too crazy. Though of all we've spoken he has a lot of goals, and he tells me he knows he's too OUUT THERE right now, but he's like "hey i'm 23, i want to enjoy life! In 5 years from today i won't be doing all this crazy shit i do, i have goals and i'm working on them but i want to enjoy my youth, you know?".

But when he hugs me, and i'm like... Hug me forever, please? on Monday after Real Madrid vs Barcelona match, Lu and i meet up with him and we drank beer and they got a little drunk. Later on when i got back home, i checked my facebook and he had sent me a message saying: "Hey tils! There are so many reasons why a man feels attracted to a woman. Many people say it's personality... others say it's  looks. Me, well i fall in love with the innocence of someone who without making much effort, when you look her in the eyes she makes you fall in love with her inner peace and tranquility... Hey, i just wanted to tell you what i feel and think about you. Sleep well!"

Next day 

Lu tells me, DUDE what's going on between you and Dan?.. 

Me: UH, what do you know? ... 

She says, he just told me he felt awful cause he got drunk and wrote you something,  but he didn't say what!. 

Me: lol, Lu, he got drunk and said this and that... but he was drunk, so whatever..." 

Lu: lol, he's such a dork!!! He fancies you tilda, at least that's what i believe, he hasn't said it to me, but i've asked him and he gets all nervous and tells me, oh well uh she's such a cute girl, i mean she's pretty and fun to be around with, you know? Uh ... but uh... forget it!!" 

Me: He's too crazy, he's a player, i won't pay attention to him, okay? 

Lu: "C'mon, maybe he is too crazy for you, but hey, who knows what can happen?" 

Me, you know i won't just make out or have sex with him, YOU KNOW ME. And YOU KNOW HIM. 

Lu: Yeah well... We'll see? :) 

Me: whatever...

I didn't answear the message he sent me, i mean, what was i supposed to say?  HE WAS DRUNK!!! And he's a player. I know he is, why must i believe a few pretty words written to me ON FACEBOOK AND BY A DRUNK BOY? Hm... No tilda. Do not fall for him, you'll only end up hurt. 

Yet,  here i am, thinking about him.

I saw him again on thursday and he acted really nervous, still hug me and stuff but he looked at me and smiled and i said what? And he said uh uh nothing :), and he did that most of the day! Haha... And we've spoken, and he's all cute and so lovely and goofy but he hasn't mentioned anything about the message he sent me!

I'm sorry to get you bored with my stupid stories, i know i haven't read you lately. I'll work on it right after i finish writing. Love you and miss you all.

800 caloris/day = 5.5 kg less/month?

I read something quit interesting.

Apparently a study was published in the New England Journal of Medicine about how eating more proteins makes you lose weight. What caught my attention is that, 772 families participated and it says that adults lead a 8 weeks intake of 800 calories per day. By the end they had lost about 11 kg each! 

Meaning they lost 1.3 kg per week! 

I don't know where i am at right now. Things seem to be getting worse and worse. I feel like saying a lot, but i end up saying nothing. Pain. I've found dad crying, dad. My hero, my daddy. Mom cries, my sister tries to help, i try to help, but i there's not a thing we can do now. Just wait til life decides to stop being such a bitch. Have nothing else to say.

When words fail, music speaks.

• Broken - Lifehouse
• "I'm hanging on another day... Just to see what you will throw my way"
• Funhouse - Pink  
• "This used to be a funhouse... But now it's full of evil clowns..."
• Under the bridge - Red hot chilli peppers
• "It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there it's hard to believe that I'm all alone at least I have her love the city she loves me lonely as I am together we cry"
• Tears and rain - James Blunt
• "I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble... it's more than just words: it's just tears and rain."
•  Hold on - Jet
• When it’s hard to be yourself it’s not to be someone else still everything’s so far away that you forget where you are..."

I've gained.

Last week's failure fucked it all up. I was going to update with a picture today. I though: "Hey, it musn't be thaaaat bad." ... HAHA, awful. I've made the comparison with the last picture. & my tummy, is all out again. Like just, NOT PRETTY. FAT FAT FAT FUCKING FAT. I'm sorry but i'll show you pictures where there's only positive progress. Gosh, i want to fucking hide from the world.

I'm going for a two days fast. WATER, nothing else. Anyone, feel free to join. 

& girls, tell me... What you do to go on with a water fast? How do you stay motivated? I haven't done it in a while now. Advice?

Fast will be  November 18 and 19.

I feel...

I feel

...

Lonely.

Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angels
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I drive on her streets
'Cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
'Cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

It's hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all that way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away.

Under the bridge - Red hot chilli peppers

August 16

Today's intake 

 Breakfast

1 cup of milk - 90 

1 cup of special k - 120

1slice of whole wheat bread - 80

1 tspn of strawberry marmalade - 53

Lunch

2 slices of whole wheat bread - 160

1 tomato -  35

zucchini - 50

1 slice of yellow cheese - 60

4 small, fat free cinnamon cookies - 90

Total = 738 - 800 cals.

Not much to say. I'm bored. Got back from the hospital and have nothing to do. I've been reading hp and the deathly hallows, OMG OMG FRIDAY 19TH OMGGGG. I'm quitting the hospital. Not sure when but i will. Mom, she's always been a crafty woman. She took several candle making classes and she used to make candles for Christmas and give them to as gifts to family and friends. So, this year she wants to sell them! She even signed up to another candle making class and she wants to put a candles kiosk at a mall. I offered to work at the kiosk at least for this month, it's gonna be boooring cause i have to be there from 9 am to 7 pm. Good thing is, nobody around to see what i "eat". Hmmm, hope things turn out fine and we are given the kiok. :) 

I love Emma Watson! Do you?

How perfect does ones body have to be that such dress fits perfectly?

I'm officially going to heeeeeell.

Today's intake

1 cup of milk - 90 

1 cup of special k - 120

1 egg - 80

2 slices of whole wheat bread - 160

2 tsp dijon mustard - 10 

1 tomato -  35

zucchini - 50

Total - 545 - 600 cals

Hello my lovelies! :) So... Here's the thing. I'm not a mean person, i'm not i'm not i'm not! But... Don't you just hate fat chicks who think they are TOTALLY HOT? 

I know this girl, i hate her not because she's fat but because she an ass kisser at college, she's FAT. I'd say 300 pounds. Worst is, you know how some girls are fat but they have pretty eyes, or pretty hair. Well this girl... Well... NOTHING works for this poor thing. Funny thing is she thinks she is so totally GORGEOUS. I mean...

Facebook - Mobile Uploads = 150 pictures. About 135 are pictures of herself, you know. On the mirror or of her with silly pouty lips, making faces. Damn can't she see how ugly she is?

Gosh i'm being so mean. :S But hey, she's not a good person either. So whatever.

WARNING, LONG POST

Hello my loves.

How have you all been doing? 

I've missed you! You know that, right? :)

Well I have to be honest. This wasn't my best week. I did great for the past... what? 3, 4 weeks? I haven't had a week like this one in a loooong time. It's not pretty. I haven't weighed. I won't weigh! Too damn scary and i'm sure i put a a few pounds these week. But hey, i'm a positive state right now. So, no worries. I'll lose them. -700cals a day worked perfect. So i'll do it again. Today i finished up 1/2 lt of vanilla ice cream. Yeah, what a failure. 

Sucky week. 

Dan, you remember him? Well  2 weeks ago he told Lu to tell Allie and me if we wanted to go to a concert. It's this not famous band who plays covers. They are good though. I was so overexcited cause i really wanted to see him! It was so much fun. TOO MUCH FUN. After the concert we went to have some beer. Dan sat next to me and he was all sweet and goofy, and he touched my leg and he touched my arm and he played with my hair and he kept on telling me i was such a nice girl, so much fun to be with blah blah blah. & i was all bubbly... Oh well. I even caught him telling Lu: "Luuu, tilda is so wonderful!! :)"

It was all going well until... apparently NOW Lu thinks Dan and Allie make a good couple, or well... good "one night stand". WHAT? Yes. I don't blame her, i mean they have no idea i'm into Dan. At least that's what i think. I've learned not to tell people when i fancy someone. They just end up screwing it up. ANYWAY.  Lu started bugging allie and Daan and OHHH HMMM DAAAN YOU SEE ALLIEE OHHH UUHHH EEEHH IIIH.  & i was like FUCK. I mean he didn't pay much attention to them BUT he did pay a little. I mean he "blushed" a few times and was all "hmm yeah alliee hmm ;)". I thought okay, whatever. WHO FUCKING CARES. 

Anyway by the end of the night we were a bit drunk and we got reealllly high. & i completely lost his attention. & Allie was daancing, DUDE she was acting sooo sluty! I didn't know that side of her! Funny thing is i was with Dan, singing jumping & dancing, & he was all OHH TILDA I LOVE THIS SONG LISTEN LISTEEN... And Allie was so drunk and she started dancing in a slightly very much SLUTY way in front of him. 

That night we stayed over at  Lu's house. Dan was going to stay at Ty's house (Dan's friend)  but Allie literally PUSHED him inside the Lu's house so he stayed with us. Anyway i sit down on Lu's bed and Dan sat next to me. We were talking... blah bla. & Lu said... "Dan you don't think you're going to sleep on my bed do youu? You guys (i assumed Dan & me)  should use the blue sofa. & one stays in with me.  I was going to stand up and go to the sofa ... and what happens? ALLIE runs to the sofa and intalls her butt there!!! I thought, "oh well... We're still a bit drunk, whatever i'm gonna sleep in Lu's bed." I mean the sofa is in the same room, BUT STILL. 

So, Allie and Dan sharing a sofa. Allie starts saying "omgosh but it's gonna be so cold later, i'll want somebody to hug meeeee" (with a whiny voice) I said, "Yeah, you should've thought about that before jumping to the sofa!... Night Allie" ... Dan laughed and fell asleep. I couldn't sleep so i turn on the tv. ... Allie says: "OMGOSH IT'S SO HOT IN HERE, Luuu borrow me a pijamaa please!" Lu gave her one and we thought Allie was going to the bathroom to change. NOT.

SHE FUCKING STOOD UP IN FRONT OF DAN, who was asleep by now but still!!!, AND FUCKING TAKES HER CLOTHES OFF!!! I SAID DUUUUUUDE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?. And by now SHE WAS NOT FUCKING DRUNK ANYMORE! BUT SHE ACTED DRUNK!!! And she said "oh just don't look tilda! I'm putting on some pijamas!" ... I turned off the tv and tried to fall asleep. BUT I WAS JUST TOO FUCKING MAD.I mean how desperate and pathetic does one have to be to act SO FUCKING SLUTY??!?!!? 

Okay. It's just a story. I love Allie, she's one of my best friends. BUT DAMN, she fuck it up, didn't she? I mean, DUDE where's your reputation? 

Anyway. Next morning Lu's grandma died. So we pretty much forgot about everything and were there to support her. We head off to our houses to take a bath. & we met up at 3 at the funeral. Dan arrived at 4. So stupid... But when he said hiii, he grabbed my neck and gave me a kiss on the cheak. So sweet. LOL. 

Anyway. Through out the week we spoke a few times and them he wrote me on facebook. He asked me how i have been, When we were going to see each other again... I told him i might meet him at UC college last wednesday cause i had and exam and i had to go. He didn't answer back. On wednesday i went to UC and he was there and he didn't treat me the same. He acted a bit cold. He didn't grabbed my neck and kissed my cheak. So i thought: "OH WELL, same story different people. Should've known it"  I walked away, made my exam.  & yes. When i got back home i ate half a pizza. :) 

Haven't heard of him since then. & i've been stuffing myself with whatever comes my way. Pizza, popcorn, ice cream, waffles, grilled cheese sandwiches, chocolate. I mean will i ever be enough for a boy? Will i ever be enough pretty? Enough thin? Enough wild? (which i'm not, at all) 

:( I'm sorry. I'm ending it TODAY.  No more crappy food.

I

Hello my loves.

I'm a sucky blogger, i know. I'm sorry. 

Still going to the hospital, now from 7 am till 2:30 pm. 

I've been studying for my stupid finals.

I've been studying for college admission exams. (Yes, next year i'll be oficially a future biologist!) 

My sweet nephew was born last thursday so whatever free time i have i use it to go visit him. He's the cutest little thing i've seen. I love him so much. He doesn't have to do much, you know?  Just stay there, asleep, make some cute noice and i completely melt. 

FOOD. 

Well i had two super awesome weeks. I lost, everybody notice which isn't that cool cause i hate it when people go "oh you look thinner" ... My macroeconomics professor even said to me "Tilda have you stopped eating? Haha, you look so much thinner!" I loled and said yeah right, you know stress leads to, right? Lol lol *giggles*. I haven't weighed, i'm sorry. I'm a coward. I know i have lost, but i'm still afraid of weighing.

But this week has been AWFUL. I've been eating so much crap. I'm so stressed. I guess that's one of the reasons i've been soo scared of the scale this past 4 days.

Now i gotta go finish some homework and study for today's final. Wish me luck. Just a few more days and i'm back on track with all of you lovelies. I love you. Hope you are doing great! 

xoxo

Ugh i'm sorry i've been away. I haven't been a good blogger these past couple days. 

It's just that i've been so busy with the hospital, college, homework bla bla bla. 

Life's tough. You know, one thing goes SUPER AWESOME. 4 things go to shit. 

I'm sick of Lu. She's acting like a bitch again & now i have no idea why. & now Ally is friends with all of ther college friends and they go out and do shit and since i've been busy. Now they don't even ask me if i can go with them. I'm sick and tired of people. 

I want to leave this fucking place and start all over. 

I'm so done with everything here.

Step out of your skin
put it in a jar
i thought they were my friends
but they were cannibals

where should i begin
telling you what i am?
i'm a normal alien

we thought we were alone
but we had just started
we thought we left home
but we never departed
there's poison in the air
but we don't care

We don't care - mgmt

 

Oct 29

Okay, so i know you may not see much difference. but I SWEAR it changed. First picture i took, oct 10... I didn't have the guts to take off my shorts cause it hid a bit of fat. LOL. But now i managed to take one without my shorts. So yeah. There i am. Fat i know. I'm sorry for making you watch this but i promise to update with pics. So there it is. I don't know my weigh cause i didn't weigh. I'm scared, even though i have lost. I know i have. I haven't been having more than 1000 cals for the past 10 days i think. So yeah... Hmm

700 cals. Finally a decent post!

Got out early from the hospital again. :)

I finally have time to write a decent post. 

At the hospital, today, they made me eat. 

1 bowl of milk with corn flakes (200 cals)

1 teaspoon honey (50 cals)

1 bowl of potato soup (200 cals)

Lettuce salda with lemon juice (30 cals)

1 piece of cheese (150 cals)

Total = 630 -700 cals

Okay so at least i'm not going over 1000 cals.

A lot has happened that i haven't told you about. 

First. 

Finally got things fixed with Lu. She was mad cause she says i don't trust her. Blah blah, i explained and well we're all happy now. 

Second.

I told my parents about me dropping my two years of marketing/advertising, so i can study biology. They took it, okay. They told me they are not happy with my sudden decision but all they want is for me to be happy. I still feel like shit cause i know all the money they've "invested" in me through this two years, money they are really needing now. :( So i feel like crap.

Thrid. 

I went to UC college, it's the college i want to study in. I've made the first exam. I get the results next tuesday. I'm nervous, but STOKED. 

Fourth.

I'm sad. Mom and dad don't get along well. They try, but you notice they don't. They are together but they are so distant. & it sucks. It sucks. IT SUCKS. We used to be a happy family, mom and dad used to be such a sweet couple. They even took cooking classes together. They were happy. & i know dad is sad, i see it in his eyes. & it hurts me so much to see him like that. My dad is one of a kind. He is so amazing. If you could meet him. I swear you'd love him. He's a good man. Mom, mom is kinda special. She had a had childhood, my grandpa used to be a bitter man, so my mom never really knew the love of a dad. But i love her still. She's the one who taught the love for animals, she's hard to get along with sometimes. But she's done her best to change and be a good mom, and i love her for that. It hurts me to see them like that. I don't them to feel pain, i want them to be happy. I wish they knew how amazing they are. 

Fifth.

My bf from college told me i was thin. Didn't believe her of course.

Sixth.

Apparently guys fancy me. (not all, duh) Yeah. I don't know why. But first Joe, but he's just an ass so he doesn't matter. Now Dan, i think i told you about him. He's sort of friends with joe. Well last week we hung out and he's a lot of fun, he is ugly. Yeah i said it. He is, but somehow i find him very attractive.  Then, when i went to UC college, well Lu sand Dan studie there. So i hung with me while i was waiting for them to call me to go make the test. Lu introduced me to a few friends of her and she told i created a bit of a fuzz there. They were all, Ohh who is she? Does she have a boyfriend? She's so cute. Lu help us there, oh oh. And Dan was all LEAVE HER ALONE SHE IS MINE. Lol. 

It's so stupid, but i just love the attention. 

----

Gosh, dad just came home and as i've told you. He loves cooking. He says he's making banana cake. Oh daddy, why do you do this to me? I'll stay away from it. I'm not even hungry anymore. YAY. It's so awesome, girls i swear i haven't felt hunger pains in a while now. I haven't been having dinner. & i don't get hungry. :) 

Okay, gotta go to college. Don't wanna get you bored with all my rambling. 

Love you my loves. So much. 

Stay strong.

Computer is healed! Me? Not so much

OHH I'VE MISS YOUUUUU!!! 

I finally got my computer back! Yayyyy 

But i have to apologize for i don't bring good news back. 

It's been 2 very hectic weeks! I've been working as an interpreter at a hospital. From 7 am to 4:00 pm. They make me have breakfast, morning snack aaand lunch. Sounds awful right? :( I can't say no cause it would be rude with all the doctors. It sucks, first because I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING EAT, second cause the food is sooooo awful! It's just YUCKY. :( I haven't weighed, i'm so scared! Thank god this is the last week i'll be here! 

Also i've been sick since Thursday! Flu, but a really awful torturing flu. I was hoping the doctors asked me not to come anymore due to my illness haha. But no... Apparently it will do no harm to people. :( Anyway. Now i gotta go, lunch time is over. Need to go back to work. 

Love you all!!!! 

Update ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Awesome, now i got my period. I have cramps and i feel bloated. Awesome just awesome. 

I left earlier today so i could read a few of you blogs. Lol, i told my boss i was feeling a lot sicker so she let me go. *giggles*

Clear recent history.

Sunshines!

Clear recent history would be enough, right? 

Gosh i just miss you. Specially now. :( 

Broke the fast, nothing awful really. Had a slice of whole wheat bread today, dad insisted on making me eat something for breakfast & since they didn't make a fuzz about past events, you know... I don't want them to start now. So i ate that fucking thing. I'm sorry :(. But they won't be home tomorrow so i'll juice fast again. 

Apparently Lu and i are not best friends anymore. I mean we were friends since we were 13, we met in high school & since then we've been  together all the time. But now things are so different, she's changed a lot, i've changed. & i miss her. I miss old her. Now she's a bit... ugh what's the word.  Different? Smartass? Um... I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep, i'm sad :( so i sneaked into my dad's office  to come write this. 

She uploaded a picture on facebook of this other girl, who btw is the girl who made out with Joe, & apparently she's her "bff" now.... Douchy...  & Lu wrote: "Having a friend like you is so amazing! Thanks love, you are such a special girl and i think you stole a big piece of my heart!! Hehe... I LOVE YOUU & thanks cause YOU have been with me through thick and thin and i know YOU are the kind of friend who always will. So you know YOU can count on me! I LOVE YOUUU HONEY!" 

Those exact words. I translated. & no i'm not being paranoid. She is doing it so i feel bad. Worst case is she IS making me feel awful. 

Okay now i gotta go cause i feel dad's coming up any second.

I can't promise to read or update after this. 

Gosh i really do hope "clear recent history" works. :S 

Love you my sunshines!! 

Thank you, thank you so much for being my support.

Thank you. I'll never get tired of saying it. THANK YOU.

Today went great.! Orange juice all day long hehe.

Girls i don't have much time, my stupid lap broke down!! & i'm at a cafe internet now. My cousin is going to repair it and he's giving it back to me in a week. I won't be able to update cause i'll be using my dad's computer! 

God i'm freaking mad! I'll miss you :( 

But i promise to stay strong! 

You girls stay strong too!!! :D 

It's just 7 days. Stay strong my loves.

Gotta go! 

Lots of kisses for you. 

Juice fast daay 2 - Don't give up.

Hello sunshines! 

I'm so happy i inspired a few of you to upload pictures of your progress! :) 

We're all gonna look so incredibly awesome! :D 

After reading your blogs i see that a lot of us are being soo determined on our goals! And that makes me flipping happy! So for those of you who are not feeling good, stop it right now! There's no way of us getting ahead if we're feeling sad. We're all strong girls. We can do this and everything we want to do. We can be everything we want to be. So chins up girls. Big bright smile and now go kick some ass. Okay? I love you all so so so so so very much!

Juice fast day 2. AAAAWESOME! :D

Woke up at about 9 am & i wasn't hungry so i didn't drink anything but water. 

At about 5 my tummy started growling so i made some orange, tangerine and apple juice. Yummy yummy.  & that was it. 

Oh and i also had 1 cup of green tea. :)

So let's hope tomorrow goes even better.

I think katy perry is SO hot! Except for her boobs, TOO BIG.

What do you girls think?

Try not to throw up. 137.6

Me at 137.6 lbs / Oct 10

Gosh i'm sorry to upload such a disgusting picture. But i'm think this is going to be a way of letting you see my progress. Which will hopefully be AWESOME. Haha.  I'll create another page on that tab thingy above, beside quotes. I'll name it "progress". I'll upload pictures there once every 15 days.

On second thought

I should've kissed him.

Screw the fucking rules. Of couse, now it's just too late.

I cried myself to sleep. 1) Family issues 2) First story, friendship is overrated. 

Juice fast has been going great. 

Breakfast - 1 glass of orange juice

Lunch - 1 glass of papaya juice
______________________

La felicidad
me está enseñando que hoy no soy feliz
porque es cuando tú no estás aquí
me quiero ir

y la tranquilidad
susurra que no me fíe de tí
porque en cualquier momento
te entra el lamento y te vas de mí

y si te miro
y si te siento
y si me acerco más a tí
y si me pierdo
y si me encuentro
y si te acercas más aquí

y es la ingenuidad
quién grita a mis oídos
que siempre estará
haga lo que haga
siempre arrodillada enfrente a mí

la objetividad
embustera, mentirosa
terca, sin bondad
murmura frases aburridas
que al fin y al cabo
siempre hablan mal de mí 

- La felicidad by Enrique Bunbury 

How are you girls doing??

2 stories. Friendship is overrated and boys SUCK. :(

Hi girls! How are you all doing? Lol, thanx for all the advice on my last post!! You're right, i shouldn't worry! :)  Ivy forest! Thank you for correcting me! :) Hehe, oh please don't get mad if i don't tell you where i am from. You noticed how paranoid i get, so i never give out specific details! D= But i can tell you i live somewhere in latin amerca!  Girls, as you know english isn't my mother tongue, so whatever misseplling you see plz let me know! :)

These past day i've eaten less than 800 cals a day. :) & tomorrow we'll start a juice fast with Coco! Anybody, feel free to join! :D COCO LET'S DO THISSSS!!!!

_____________________________ 

Story 1

Friendship is overrated

So, about friday and today. On friday it was Lu's bday party. I was reallyyy exited about going because i haven't seen a lot of my friends lately. I arrived and Lu was acting all weird, she seemed upset and everytime i asked here what the hell was going on she wouldn't answer. Or she'd say something like "Ugh shoosh! I just... ugh shoosh!!!!!!!"  

Lately i haven't seen her due to all the crap that's going on in my house, i just don't feel like going out or talking to anybody! Besides i don't even have money so it's not like i can do much. You see, & i haven't told her about all the shit that's been going on in my house. I've wanted to tell her, cause carrying all this shit by myself is getting too hard. But i just never seem to find the right moment, and now it feels like it will never be the right moment. 

So she was talking with a few of her friends from college and i went sit down with them and we were chatting all happy blah blah and i asked Lu where her boyfriend was. & she said: " UGH TILDA SERIOUSLY GO DRINK SOMETHING OR GET FREAKING DRUNK CAUSE IF YOU DON'T THEN YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL ANNOYING!" I was like WTFUCK? I just gave her this *ihateyou* look and stormed out of the room. She like almost didn't even speak to me all night.  It was so awful and i was really mad!!! And sad, because i'm going through some really tough time, and RIGHT NOW is when i need here the most. :(

The party finished at about 4 am and we stayed over at her house. This morning she was still acting all weird, oh and because 4 of her college friends were there and fñdslkfja ugh she was just weird. Besides i didn't like a few of her friends because these girls were a little too much o a bunch of whores. Yeah, i said it. I'm sorry. ANYWAY. 

Now i don't know if i'm worrying about something stupid. BUT, today she uploaded pictures of last night's party. I was in a LOT of pictures, with her, with other friends and blah blah blah. & she didn't uploaded a SINGLE picture where i was! NOT A SINGLE ONE! & in the album description she wrote this super thing... like "You guys are AMAZING, thank you for being such good friends and making me feel awesome today, I love you all so very much!!!! xoxo". I swear it was weird, because EVERYBODY who was there last night is in AT LEAST ONE picture of that freaking album. BUT ME. No pictures of tilda. Now i feel so bumped out. Cause i know she's mad at me for i have been distant for a few months now, and she asked a lot of times what was going on? If i was okay. But i never said a thing. Now i just feel like shit.

_____________________________________

Stoy 2

Boys are STUPID!

Again, last night at the bday party. I got there a little late because i was at college so right after college i ran to the party. I didn't eat a thing during the day so i could drink at night and don't worry about the calories. 

So i got there and apparently a few... people wanted me to be there. I got there and, remember Joe, the guy i told you about? The bad boy with good manners who just wants me to have fun?, well he was there and had been asking all night for me. & this other guy, let's call him Dan, apparently the both fancy me. 

So when i finallllly arrived all my friends were like JOEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TILDAA IS HERE TILDA IS HEREE!!!!! And Dan (fancies me but he was bugging me with Joe...?) So joe was all heeeyy youuu hmmm ummm OOHH AAAHH ;) ;) ... & i was like... no dude, i'm no fling girl. I fancy him, I DO, he is super cute and a lot of fun! & he's got this bad boy attitude. BUT, he wants nothing more that make out with me and God knows what else, you know?. Hmm... So i was like "okay, i'll go with the flow, no not gonna do anything with him but we were making fun of the situation, you know. (Gosh i don't know what words to use in English to talk about this, it's that in spanish we have a lot of slangs so i don't know what slangs or phrases to use, lol)

So he spent half of the night with me all  (Barney from How i met your mother, like?) You know?... I go backstairs to look for my coat and when i go back upstais he's making out with this other girl!!!! :@ i was sooooo upset!!!!!!!! I knowww, it's not that i'm playing hard to get, but i'm not an easy girl. I don't go making out or having sex with whatever guy comes my way. That is NOT me. And he must know that cause it's been like 2 years since he's been trying to get something outta me but i never give in. & he's even told my cousin, who is best friends with him, that i'm soo super cute, that i'm such a nice girl, that i a keeper, but that i'm just "too good for him, cause he knows he's a (girls are sluts, boys are  ???) and that he's no good for me. So why on earth is he still trying! & i'm so lame that i keep on dreaming he'll change someday. BUT HE WON'T!!

Anyway, that ruined my night, i was really upset!!! Cause i liked the attention i was getting, and then i felt as if everyone was laughing at me because he ended up with this other girl while me, well i was just being lame trying to act as if i didn't freaking care!!! 

At about 3:30 everybody started to leave and i went sit on a bench in front of a fire. We were looking at the stars talking about life, you know... And Joe went sit with us (on the inside i wanted to yell at him to tell him he is just soo stupid that he thinks he's a Don Juan but he's just a stupid pig, that the few neurons he's got are of no use cause he can only think about sex!!! I HATE HIM!!) 

But i didn't, of course. Ally knows how i am so she left us to together. & i was like DUDEEE DON'T LEAVE, and Joe said oh c'mon let her, i'm not gonna do anything to you ;). & 

He said "Tilda, i beg you, tell me, just tell what do i have to do? What do you want me to do? What do i have to do to make you want me?" Just give me a kiss, don't make such a fuzz about it. 

I said "No joe, i'm not like that, i have rules."

He said "Rules? Explain and i'll see what i can do."

I said "Okay.  I will never go make out or do whatever stuff with somebody i know i'll see for the rest of my life. Somebody who 90% of the people i know, KNOW.  So if you can become a stranger who visits my town for 1 week and who will never come back, MAYBE you would have a chance with me."

He said "Actually i am spanish. Half of my family are Spanish, i you don't believe me i can call my grandma, who lives in Spain. & so... You are not breaking your rules right?"

I laughed and said "Same thing joe, sorry."

He hugged me and put his head on my shoulder (by now i was really nervous) then he moved his head a bit and whispered in my ear. "Tilda, please..." 

(Gosh i was dyingggggggggggg here girls. I WAS CRAVVVING to kiss him. I wanted to just shoosh him with a long never ending kiss. 

I turned to face him, and said "No"  

He whispered "A kiss on the cheek?" 

I said "You think i'll buy that?" 

He laughed and said "Okay okay..." And he kissed my cheek.  

I said "Okay, so... can we be friends?" 

He said "Hmmm with benefits?" 

I lold and said "You know my answer." 

He said "Okay, i get it."

I said "Can we go downstairs now?"

He said "Fine, but can we at least hold hands?" 

I lold and said "Fine, but we hold hands until the next room, so nobody sees?" & giggled.

He didn't say anything and he took my hand. 

So we walked and held hands until we got to the first floor.

In the end it was actually kinda cute. Right? I don't know if i did right or if i'll regret not kissing him later... As for now i feel good about what i did. I don't want to be just another one in his list. Which believe me is a LONG list of easy dumb girls who fell for it

Anyway, that's my story. A bit pathetic but i stayed true to myself so i feel good...

I guess.

HOLLY SHIT!

This is what happened. 

I have a friend, Mech, she studies medicine but she's  taking a psychology course.

We were chatting on msn about random stuff & she says.

"DUDE, i'm making some research on anorexia for my psychology class and OMG i found out some of them have even created a sort of society on the web. They write blogs telling how much they've eaten, & about random stuff. They like even become super good friends! They kinda give each other support & stuff. I was reading some blogs and OMG they like even make competitions on who can loose more in a certain time!! WEIRDDD, uh?"

(& that's EXACTLY what she said, yes i translated the text and copied here.) 

 I thought "HOLLY SHIT". But then thought, okay... "She definatly read spanish blogs, so calm down you freak." 

I told her, "wow, lol."

She said, "I KNOOOOW, can you imagine doing that? It's just... weird! :S "

I said, "Haha yeah! :S" 

I was freaking out so i changed the subject and started telling her about this bday party i have tomorrow night. 

Hmm... Weird? SHUT UP, you don't know what it's like so SHUT UP. 

& she'll never know i wanted to tell her that.

Gosh, should i get paranoid? :S :S

Today's intake

Apple, pineapple & orange juice - 339 cals

Veggies soup - 100 cals

Grilled cheese & tomatoe sandwich - 400 cals

Total cals:  839 cals

Okay i went over 500 cals. But at least i didn't went over 1000. 

Boringgg day. Still haven't found the guts to tell dad about college. I don' even know where i should start. I'm dying here. I can't even sleep thinking about how i should tell him. Should it be, hey dad i hate advertising i wanna be a biologist. Or, hey dad, i'm following my dream, thanks for everything, i'm sorry. Hmmm gosh. Any advice?  

 

There's my silly dog Nic, sleeping. Yeah he sleeps in my bed.

So what? lol. Yeah i have incredibly small boobs, yeaaah my fingers

are fat and gross.

 

Master cleanse diet, again? ... 138. Celebrities weight.

First: im reading and commenting tomorrow (today since it's almost 4 am/Oct 6) :) Thanks for you comments girls, i know i repeat this in every single post but i can never be thankful enough. You girls motivate me and want me to keep on going. I LOVE YOU. 

Second: I'd love to talk to you on msn! So add me if you please... matildabonnet@hotmail.com

Third: I've been fasting on orange juice for two days, i weighed and lost ONE POUND one freaking pound. 138 pounds for now. Oh well. 

Fourth: You gotta check this out http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/91495/beyonces_master_cleanse_diet_fast_helped.html

So apparently on 2006 Beyonce made the master cleanse for 12 days, and dropped 20 pounds. Wot? Yeah... There's even proof: 

 

I've tried the master cleanse before, but due to my gastritis problem i give up by the second day. I'm gonna try it again, cause damn it would be freaking awesome loosing a few pounds in a fast way.

Meghan Fox, 5'6", 114 lbs. 

Rachel Mcadams, 5'5, 120 lbs

 

Juice fast, Oct 4

Hello my sweet girls. :) 

Juice fast has been going great. It's 6:05 pm i'm at college, reaaaalllyyyy bored... And DAMN it is cooooldddddd, i'm freeezzzzzing, & i didn't bring a hot comfy sweater. I even find it hard to type cause my fingers are numb!!! Windy and cold season is here. Hmmm i kinda like it...

I exercise for 30 minutes, then 50 abs (LOL,  i know... only 50 but i didn't have time. So whatever...)

How are you girls doing? 

I need advice, what exercises do you do AT HOME, that burn fat? I currently do 30 minutes on the orbitrek. I don't have time to go to the gym so i have to do it all at home. But i don't know what to do that will actually work & i won't get bored doing it. :) 

So I'm thinking on talking to dad about me wanting to switch to Biology... & i know all the consequences, my bro my sis & my mom will be all negative about it & will hate me for a while... I needed wise words so i looked up for some quotes i'll share. :) 

Love you tons girls. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxo

"Everybody  keeps telling me how surprised they are with what I've done. But I'm  telling you honestly that it doesn't surprise me. I knew I could do it."

"Each man has his own vocation; his talent is his call. There is one direction in which all space is open to him.”

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

"Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right.”

"Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be.”

"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone.”

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

All of the above by Ralph Waldo Emerson