June 22

Intake

1 Mocha 12 oz - 157 cals

1 Orange - 63 cals

Yogurt & cereal - 220 cals

Green salad w/no dressing - 35 cals

1 apple - 73 cals

9 glasses of water  - 0 cals

Total: 548 cals

June 21

2 kiwis - 66 cals

2 oranges 126 cals

half banana - 70 cals

2 cookies - 160 cals

1 cup of rice - 156 cals

Total: 578 cals.

Tiring day! College has never been so boring! I'm so stressed, i haven't finished the microeconomics project that was due to tomorrow. BUT thank God the professor gave us two more days to finish. I have exams pretty much from Wednesday until next week. The week after I have projects to finish and essays to write and the last week of college, well... FINALS of course!! OH crap, i hate college. Anyway. Gotta go. I'll finish updating later. 

Love ya all so much! & thank you for your lovely comments! :)

Food food food everywhere!

Just got back from my bro's house (Ohhh i miss him!). & as i predicted. FOOD FOOD FOOD... You don't want to know what they cooked. But just let me tell you it included a lot of cheese, beer, wine & chocolate. Of course i could've eaten a little tiny tiny bit. But no, i ate as if there were no tomorrow. Crap.  & now tomorrow the Country's gastronomic fest at my grandma's. Oh crap oh crap crap... CRAP

No i haven't even weighed. I don't want to. The scale on't be able to resist my big fat body. Oh man. ... 

Also i'm so mad... We we're having dinner tonight, & i had drunk 2 cups of wine, so i started feeling sick cause of stupid gastritis. So i asked my brother if he had Mylanta calm the pain. & my dad heard and said "Oh you see, now you feel sick, and you know why that is? CAUSE YOU DON'T EAT!!!" And my sister said "Dad? C'MON, i mean of course, OF COURSE she doesn't eat. She pigs out! If she didn't eat she would be thin, wouldn't she?" ... :'( BITCH!!!! You she always was the skinny sister. Until 2 years ago, when i lost tons of weigh and she gained! Oh glory, it felt so good. Whatever, she says that just to hurt me. & well she does hurt me, but you know what? Pain only makes me stronger.

 

Anyway, wish me luck at the gastronomic fest tomorrow. :) Love ya

thinspo

139.9

Oh oh aint life good? :)

So yesterday Argentina won the game. 4 - 1! HAHA  :D:D:D 

Oh & guess what? I just weighed... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand... 

139.2 pounds! OMGOOOSHHH yayyy meee! A week ago i was 145. :D:D:D:D

AWESOME! I'm so happy, cause this fast i working on me! Though yesterday i couldn't finish my fast successfully cause at night i had a bowl of rice. But meh... Today i'm fasting again! :D  Hope i keep on going this way! :D 

But, i'm pretty sure this weekend i'll gain cause we're visitng my brother and they are going to cook lunch and dinner. So mom will make me eat of course. Sunday It's my grandma's birthday so she cooking dinner and she'll make a sort of "Country's gastronomic fest", by country i mean my country... you know how i don't give names. Haha, anyway... It's gonna be a tough weekend. Wish me luck. Besides i have so much fucking work to do. I got to write a stupid essay about my country's economy and on how natural disasters affect its economy. FUCK, how boring is that? 

Anyway, gotta go. I', watching the game. England vs Algeria. Go England! :D 

Bye bye, & thank you for your support. :) Love ya

Comments, HEEEELP

So apparently this shit isn't working and won't let you leave comments. :( 

I fixed some stuff, i think. I changed the template & changed some other shit... My blogger skills don't go so far, i can only write. Hahaha. 

Pleaseee try commenting again, if you cant LET ME KNOW. Please please. Post it on your blog or send me an email matildabonnet@hotmail.com. Thank youuu! :D

Besides that. I'm happy, fasting for 24 hours was easier than i expected. :) I'm tryin 24 hours more. Wish me luck!! :D 

Did you watched the games? Spain lost... agh! Whatever haha, i have my hopes in Argentina tomorrow! :D:D:D

Love ya, & hi to my new followers. :D

World Cup 2010! YAYYY

Yeah, i can't study. It's so boring, besides i already know that shit. 

I know i haven't talked about my intake today. It was just so bad, i'm not giving excuses cause that's just makes me feel worst. But yeah, it was a pretty awful day for me. So that's way i'm trying a 24 hours fast. :) 

Who's excited about the world cup? I AM FREAKING STOKED! Haha i just looooove it!! I don't play soccer cause i suck! & my knowledge of soccer isn't that great either! But i know the basics, & i just love it! It's so exciting!! My country isn't even playing, but who cares? IT IS WORLD CUP! A bunch of hotties chasing a ball. :) Haha awesome! What team are you with? I GO FOR ARGENTINA! Heck yeah, & Australia!!!! Oh & Spain!! & Portugal, & Camerun, &... Hahaha... Yeah i love everybody. But first in my heart are Argentina, Australia and Spain!

June 15

I hate my sister, she has been losing so much fucking weigh! & i have no idea how she does it! She eats SO MUUUCH!! She loves fast food, tacos, etc etc etc etc... Hate her!!! :@

I'll try a 24 hours fast. Wish me luck, most of my fasts always end in a binge! :S Not this time, i am determined. :) 

I've been soo busy with college this past days! I wasn't even going to update. But i missed blogging world. Anyway, gotta go. Need to study for my statistics exam. 

Good envy

Oh i just got back from my bro's house. We're helping them with the moving, furniture, clothing, etc. Seeing how happy they are, it just... makes me feel lonely? I mean, don't get me wrong. It's just that pretty much everything is going well for them, my bro & his wife. They finished building their house & it turned out to be such a lovely house! It's colonial style, omg it is just pretty!! They got married & her wedding dress was sooooo beautiful, they both have good jobs, they just got back from their honeymoon, she is pregnat (yayy :D )... 

It makes me wonder if i'll ever have that kind of happiness. I mean, finding the love of my life, having the perfect wedding, having a baby. Blah blah. Not NOW of course, maybe in ten years. But, will I? I know there's still plenty of time, but before i do all that stuff i wanna live a crazy fun life. I'm not doing it. I was going to get a job with a pathetic salary, but couldn't cause then they wanted me to work full time & i can't cause of college. I don't have a boyfriend, i'm not even close to having one. I want to travel but i need money to do that. & i have NO MONEY. I'm so broke. 

Ugh, silly thoughts, i know. It's just that seeing them made me think all this through. Anyway, my time will come. I know.

I hate weekends.

Ugh i had a binging weekend.  I suck. My brother went to Mexico for his honeymoon & he bought us TONS of chocolate at the duty free. & me of course, stuffed my face with all the chocolate i could. :'(... 

I'm doing the lemonade diet, master cleanse diet, agian. Starting tomorrow. I'll do it for as long as my tummy resists. You know, lemonade diet isn't good for my gastritis. Last time i got really sick, but it just works. So whatever. 2 or 3 days isn't that bad.

Thinspo?

Friendship?... blah blah

So i have a problem with one of my bffs. I hate her. I'm sorry, i'm a mean person. I just do. I can't stand her anymore. She used to be this spoiled brat who didn't give a fuck about the world that surrounded her. She has copied my personality. No kidding. 

My favorite color is green, it has always been green! Ask my mom, since i was 3. The first color i learned was GREEN. Everything i wanted was green. She, L, used to like pink (ew). & since a year ago she started telling everyone she loved green, "OMG LIKE GREEN IS SOO MY FAVORITE COLOR" Now whenever i meet someone, i'm like ohh what a cute green blouse. They tell me, OH YOU LIKE GREEN TOO? OF COURSE, YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH HER. 

I mean, HELLO!! I like green TOO? I LIKED IT FIRST!!!!!!!  You bitch. Then, my dream was to study biology, but since i was too stupid, bla bla bla... I didn't. She was studying something that has to do with politics, & NOW... guess what? Okay, no it is not biology. But no she is all OHHHH I LOOOOVE TREESSS AND PLANTS AND NATURE AND ANIMAAALS i'm gonna study blushblashwush. I dunno the career's name but it has something to do with trees & saving forests, blah blah blah. I fucking hate her! I became vegetarian, a day after. Guess what? Yes, she is a veggie too. Oh she calls herself a fucking veggie, but she eats tuna, shrimps, lobster. Uh-uh. BITCH, you are not a fucking veggie!! 

OHH & WHENEVER SHE GETS DRUNK she asks for fucking hamburger? How hypocrite? I don't understand! How stupid do you have to be to lie about who you are. Just be your fucking self for god's sake! She is so fucking lame! I hate her! 

I believe that if you're going to do something good for somebody else, you just do it. I you shut your mouth. Why would you go screaming it to the world? What is the fucking point. BUT nooo, she is always like " ohhh i am sooo good, likee reallyyy i mean everybody tells me i am almost like an angel cause i am always helping people & volunteering" BULLSHIT! I know her, she doesn't give a fuck, she does it just for the recognitions. Just so everyone says, WOW WHAT A GOOD GIRL. I HATE HER!! Volunteer? 

I was the one who told her about the wild animal rescue center where i wanted to go volunteer this year. Now she wants to go to, she has told everybooody. & now everyone thinks I AM accompanying her. FUCK I HATE HER I FUCKING HATE HER. 

I know i know, it may sound stupid & childish. But haven't you ever felt like this? Like someone is stealing your personality? I mean, i am not an angel, a saint or whatever. I just enjoy helping from time to time. It's just fun for me, i like reading (she didn't now she says she loves reading & she has only read like 10 books in 5 years.) Anyway, i do what i do, i am what i am. I don't need to tell people who i am and what i do. In the end whatever i do, i do it for me. I do it cause it makes me feel good, i would never do something just so people think i am something. NO. That's just wrong, that's just lame. She should know that. Agh... Anyway, sorry for the long boring post about me whining. Haha 

Third day, still not good enough.

Today's intake

1 green apple - 73 cals

1 pear - 70 cals

Natural yogurt with fruit - 130 cals

1 egg - 80 cals

1 slice of whole grain bread - 35 cals

1 spoon of green sauce - 30 cals?

1 spoon of red sauce - 30 cals?

1 pancake - 200 cals? 

Total cals intake:  648 cals

(i'm not sure about the cals in the pancake, green & red sauce. Any help will be well received.)

So ashamed about the pancake, i didn't think i just ate that shit. Anyway.

Now i'm gonna go up & down the stairs. 

I read that if you do it for 2 minutes you burn between 100 and 140 cals. :) How awesome? 

Then play ping pong for about 40 minutos. 

According to this formula 0.045*(my weigh*2.2)*total of minutes practiced = Aprox cals burned. 

 So i'll burn 257 cals. (crossing fingers)

I'm hoping to burn 400 cals. :)

I'm sick & i hate corn.

I'm sick. :'( 

Last night i couldn't sleep cause my whole body ached. I had temperature, soar throat, etc etc. But i feel better today. :) 

Today i wasn't home till 6 pm cause i had to go finish a project due to tomorrow at a friends house. I was scared cause her mom was going to cook us lunch & i expected a lot worse. THANK GOD she cooked a salad. Simple green fresh low calories salad!! :) That's like what? 150 cals? Or more cause it had a little peanuts. :S But that's healthy fat they say. Right, yeah so let's say 200 cals. 

But then i got back home & had the rest of the canned corn from yesterday. Ugh, worst is it was rotten. Hahaha well no it wasn't rotten but it made me sick. I can't even think about that freaking corn cause i feel the taste in my mouth & i wanna throw up. Right now i feel like throwing up. Ew ewwww. Gross gross gross. I don't wanna eat, see or smell corn in a long LONG time.  Okay i really need to stop thinking about that corn cause or writting about it. Otherwise i'm throwing up. 

So today's intake 

like 600 cals. Not that bad right?

But i could be doing better.

Siiick but it was a good day.

6:20 pm

Intake

  

1 apple - 73 cals

1 portion of sweet canned corn with 1 tsp light butter & 2 tspns light olive oil mayo - 375 cals

1 cup of baby food? Nestum? (i dunno if you've heard of it) - 200 cals

1 cup of green tea - 0 cals

7 glasses of water - 0 cals

Total cals: 648 cals.

I'd say 700 cals in case i missed a few cals. 

Not that bad right?

Walked from the french school to my house. About a 30 minutes walk.

Later i'll go up and down the stairs, as long as i can stand.

So yeah, that's it. Pretty good day.

Of course tomorrow my cals intake will reduce.

Plan for tomorrow is nothing more than 

homemade apple juice & papaya shakes.

So that's it for today. 
Oh & i'm sick! I have an awful headache 
& been sneezing all day long.

ENOUGH

Lucy, you're so sweet. Thanks! :) Yes i had fun and i smiled all the time.

I had a good time.  I danced & danced. Tried not to think about my body. But it was a complete fail. Specially with the stupid photoshoot. I'm too insecure to have a photo shoot. My bro's wife was soooo excited, she wanted a picture of every single thing.

The photographer, i could tell he fancied me. Haha, it was so uncomfortable! First of, he was looking at me ALL THE TIME. Anywhere i went to he followed me with his eyes and when i caught him... he gave this goofy smile. Whatever i did he was behind me photographing it! I was like, dude stop it!!! Until he said hey can i take a  picture of you. JUST YOU please. I said: NO! he was like, ohh c'mon. Just stay there, right where you are... smile. i gave him a sarcastic smile. He said.. oh look! I look gross!!he said: Oh noooo, don't say that, you look beautiful.  Then we headed back to the hotel to finish the photo shoot.  He first arrived with his assistant in his assistant's car. So he HAD to go to the hotel with him. BUT nooo, we were just leaving when he stopped us and asked us if he could come with us. He didn't take off his eyes off of me all the way. I was like WTH? Then at the party he followed me all night. He followed me more than he followed the bride. Anyway. It was funny.

I was watching a tv show about obese teenagers. Gosh i don't EVER want to be like that.  EVER. It's so sad.

It reminded me my 14-17 years old period. Me 170 pounds. Not so "accepted my people. Don't you just HATE how everyone says: "Oh you are beautiful no matter you size". & yeah there you are, fat, & everyone looks at you with this "look". Pity? 

& now i compare that period to my 17/6 months - 18 6/months period. Me 124 pounds. Guys wanted me, girls envy me, i had more fun, i did great at school cause i felt secure in EVERY WAY. 

It's enough. I've said it so much, i sound redundant. But it really is enough. Life sucks when you're fat. All those who say they are completely happy weighing 200 pounds. Well that's bullshit. PURE BULLSHIT. Cause it's not fun. People don't treat you the same way. THEY JUST DON'T! 

My aunt, who lives in Canada, comes visit us on september. I haven't seen him in 3 years. So he still thinks i am HUGE. So when he comes back i want him to tell me OMG i didn't recognize you. You look so pretty. Blah blah.  3 months i have to weigh at least 120 pounds. ...

Sick and tired of everything, from today, i'll update. Every 2 days with my weigh & my bmi. Every two weeks with a picture. It's time to change & be who i really do want to be.

New ideas

New idea.

"Too good to eat, we appreciate, we observe, they eat" 

Pure beauty, look at the colors and shapes. How can you eat that. Too pretty, too many cals.

who ever gives a damn. (no one.)

Tomorrow's the day. My bro's wedding. 

& I'm here, in my room. Crying, not because i'll miss him. Cause actually i'm very very happy for him. I'm crying  cause i look gross. Cause i'm a fatass ugly girl. People will be disgusted my fat presence. I'm sorry for such negative words, but i've just tried on my dress. & omg. 

Worst part is i cannot let this interfere, you know. It's my bro's wedding. It's his day. I have to smile all day long, & be happy for him. For once, stop thinking about my fatness. & just think & pray for my bro's new adventure. I love him, i'm so happy for him. I'll smile as if i feel like i'm the most beautiful girl in there, but inside... I'll be torn apart.

Irony

Funny thing happened to me today. I met a girl at college today, 20 years old. She's majoring in nutrition. She weighs like 390 pounds. No kidding. Ironic?

Anyway, life's been pretty dull. I haven't been able to stick to the plan. BUT, i've eaten less than 400 kcals per day .YAY for me :). 

Tomorrow is Ris bday, best college mate, & her mom is making her dinner. She invited us. & can't say no. I'm so scared. G, Annie & MA are going too. It's going to be 2 whole days of pure temptations. After college we're going to the movies (which means lots of sweet popcorn, coke, candy,  nutella crepes, nachos, etc) Then back to Ris' home for the dinner. After dinner we're having a karaoke night, yayy :). We're staying over at her house. On friday morning we're coming to my town. My friends, they live in the city, I live in a town that's like an 1 from the city. 

My town, is so pretty. A bit boring sometimes, but pretty. I think i mentioned this in my past blog, but... I wish i wasn't so paranoid so i could tell my towns name. Lol! It's soo tiny.  & i'm not exaggerating when i tell you that if you ask someone, anyone who lives in my town for me. They'll know, not because i'm popular but because it's a tiny tiny town. Here everyone knows everyone. Well maybe not EVERYONE lol, but if you give a last name they might be able to tell you who's my dad. Hahaha, so yeah. I'm weird. Anyway.

Friday morning, my  friends FOR SURE will want me to take them to a pretty restauranto, to have breakfast... I'll order some fruit. Agh, i hate this. But i can't let my situation interfere with my friends.