Spanish is just... Marvelous

This is one the most beautiful songs of all times. It's so sad, but so so so good.

Ojalá que las hojas no te toquen el cuerpo cuando caigan
Para que no las puedas convertir en cristal.
Ojalá que la lluvia deje de ser milagro que baja por tu cuerpo.
Ojalá que la luna pueda salir sin ti.
Ojalá que la tierra no te bese los pasos.

Ojalá se te acabe la mirada constante,
La palabra precisa, la sonrisa perfecta.
Ojalá pase algo que te borre de pronto:
Una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve.
Ojalá por lo menos que me lleve la muerte,
Para no verte tanto, para no verte siempre
En todos los segundos, en todas las visiones:
Ojalá que la aurora no de gritos que caigan en mi espalda.
Ojalá que tu nombre se le olvide a esa voz.
Ojalá las paredes no retengan tu ruido de camino cansado.
Ojalá que el deseo se vaya tras de ti,
A tu viejo gobierno de difuntos y flores.

Ojalá se te acabe la mirada constante,
La palabra precisa, la sonrisa perfecta.
Ojalá pase algo que te borre de pronto:
Una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve.
Ojalá por lo menos que me lleve la muerte,
Para no verte tanto, para no verte siempre
En todos los segundos, en todas las visiones:
Ojalá que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones

Ojalá pase algo que te borre de pronto:
Una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve.
Ojalá por lo menos que me lleve la muerte,
Para no verte tanto, para no verte siempre
En todos los segundos, en todas las visiones:
Ojalá que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones

Twitter account

So, I figured having a twitter account for this blog would be AWESOME.

Does anyone else has one?

Look for me @CestLaVieTilda

:) I will update every second lol :)

Great week GREAT GREAT GREAT WEEK! 

Week... Okay 2 days have passed but they have been great! :D 

I mean when it comes to eatings, I've had less that 800 cals per day. 

On Friday I'll start climbing. There's a place here in my town to go climibing and it is for free. Yup, can you believe that? I have never done it before! But Stephen convinced me, he goes there three times a week and he said I should go! So I'll give it a try. 

Supposedly you burn 700 cals per hours when climbing! Awesome uh? 

About Dan, well it sucks. 

It sucks we are not even friends anymore.

He tried talking to me before but I kind of rejected him, I mean we still talk, when we have to... It's not like he writes me on bbm anymore. No chatting on facebook. Only when we go out with all the guys, and it's not even like we can carry a long conversation together. I just can't.  

It fucking hurts. So fucking bad. I hate this. I hate feeling like this.

Thank you for your lovely comments! Really, you're so sweet. :') 

Hello yall... LONG BORING POST.

Wow.

It's been so fucking long.
I can't believe I've been gone for such a long time.
I guess I have kept my mind busy in other things.
Not sure if in good things.

My personality has "developed" in this last 8 months. I'm a bit more ... Dunno the word.

I am less shy. But thanks to this I have done some REALLY stupid shit.

Don't even know where to start. Or if even any of you will be intersted in reading me after I left you for such a long time.

I got my laptop back. Yes, i ruined it again a few months ago. About 2 weeks after my last post. I had no money to fix it till two weeks ago. LOL

So, I spent all day re-reading my blog. How fucked up everything was last year. Shit at home, mom and dad did not get along. I read a post where I only wrote quotes from songs that described how I was feeling, and DAMN i was screwed. Still am. Just... you know... And then i found this:

"I fancy DAN. I am going out with C but i really wish it was otherwise. And i feel like crap for that! 

It sucks cause Dan, apparently he fancies me, but... I have no fucking idea if he really is serious or he just wants to play around with me. Or if he actually really does like me? He doesn't say a thing!"

If only I had known what was going to happen... 

I think on my last post I told you about how things had not been working out with Dan. Well... 3 weeks later they ended. It was awful. I guess I hadn't actually realized HOW MUCH i was INTO him till it ended. I couldn't bare it... I was destroyed. 

The last week we were together he was a freaking jerk to me. He treated me like crap. He didn't want anything to do with anymore but he did not had the guts to tell me, so he just started acting stupid with me. He was with all of our friends and I got there said hi to all of the said hi to him and barely said hi and walked away. Did it twice... It was enough. We didn't spoke for a whole week. 

I was devastated, I cried myself to sleep everyday. One of our friends, let's call him "Stephen", I met Stephen because of Dan. Stephen and I became really good friends cause I don't have a car and Stephen does so he gives me a ride from college to my house everyday.

So, I remember well. Dan was being an ass, it was about one the second week of March, i was so upset I wanted to cry, I was at college and I had no idea who to turn to. I was in class and I was freaking swalloing my tears. I even had a headache and every now and then my eyes would get all up wet and on the edge of crying. But i was strong. 

Stephen noticed when we met at the faculty and on out way to the car and this is how it went:

Stephen: Tils, why are you so sad?

Me: I'm not sad :)

Stephen: Tils, you cannot lie to me. You are sad...

Me: Haha... I am not, there is not a reason for me to be sad.

Stephen: Righht tils, I guess our friendship is not in that "level" yet in which you talk out your feelings to me!  

Me: Guess not...

He hugged me and we got to the car... And I was about to break down in tears!!! But i resisted... :S 

We got in the car and 

Stephen: Tils, I know everybody says I'm a pervert with no feelings and that I am some kind of a jerk. And maybe I am *giggles*, but I think I can know consider you my friend and I am not telling you you should feel the same about me. I am 26 years old. I guess I can give good advice.And I know for sure I have walked a few more miles than you have, so I can tell you that whatever the it is that you want in this life you can go get it. Seriously, you're always saying you wanna travel the world. DO IT TILDA, nothing is stopping you. Money?  WORK, save money and in a year get the hell out go see the world. I have done it. You can do it. You want to be a biologist, DO IT. You want to be happy? BE HAPPY, Tilda, happyness depends on YOU. If you want to be happy you BE HAPPY. Your happyness cannot depend on ANYBODY or ANYTHING. It's all about what you really do want. Okay?

Me: *giggles* (This were those "giggles" you give just so you do not cry). I know... 

Stephen: So go be happy Tilda, you are an amazing girl. You really are, do not let anything or ANYBODY bring you down. 

Me: :) Okay...

Stephen: And... About... You know... Him... 

Me: *surprise face*

Stephen: Just keep on walking Tilda. Dan does not know what the hell he wants to do with his LIFE, he is lost. And just because he is unhappy and he does not know what he wants means you have to suffer through all the process, you cannot be waiting for him to feel the way you do about him right now. It is not fair for you. He is my friends too, and we speak. I will not tell you what he tells me, and I will not tell him what I'm telling you. You both are my friends and I want the best for both of you. And you do not deserve to be treated the way he did today. I saw everything and Tilda, keep on walking. We've talked to him, we've told him not to be stupid, cause trust me, all of us (his friends) know you are a keeper and you are exactly what he need to settle down. But as I told you he is lost. So Tilda KEEP ON WALKING, please. Move on. If he realizes,  GREAT, let him find the way and reach you. If he doesn't, GREAT, you have kept on walking and there is no need to look back.

Me: *Im-about-to-cry-so-ill-not-say-a-word-face"

Stepehn:K Tils, so if you want to cry. CRY. But cry today, tonight cry all you want, scream, hit a wall, tear up a pillow, CRY. But tomorrow, wake up with you head held up high a smile on your... And Tils, keep on walking. 

...

Dude he took to the school were I work. And I felt good. I mean, still devastated but I knew he was right. And I felt good. 

That lasted for the next 2 months. I mean I was sad, but I did what he said, I wrote him a letter, telling him that it was OBVIOUS there wasn't going to be anything else between the two of us. And that it was okay, we could be friends. 

He answered saying loads of shit, basically he said "I am so sorry, I love you i do, but i was scared of loving you bla bla bla..." 

I was like... Dude, I´m not 15... Do not lie to me.

I cried that day like a little baby, it was awful, I was taking a shower I started crying calmed down, later on I was cleaning up my room and I just started crying, like tears werre coming from the air, from the dust. I cried and cried and cried. Awful. After that no more tears were shed.

We kept on seeing each other since we study at the same faculty and we were "friends". 6 weeks later we went to a party and we were all wasted and high. He grabbed me and he hugged me and he said: "Hey silly" I was like.. :) Don't... He started kissing my ear I wanted to kiss him sooo freaking bad... But didn't I said, Dan no... And he let go. Later on that night, he wrote me on BBM, I was soooo drunk girls. I told him EVERYTHING, I told him I was still hurt cause he made me love him, knowing he was not going to love me back! Know that he was actually "in love" with some other girl (YEP... ). And yep... I was THAT stupid and drunk. 

He just said what do you want me to say. I left my cellphone and next morning I felt like a real ASS. Which I was... 

Yeah so ever since that day it's been "cool". It hurts. I don't know why it still hurts. Even though it was soo little time. We were not even a couple. We never had a label. We were just together... You know? We didn't even have sex!! Almost... But didn't. 

But I got along with him. I like everything about him. I know... I'm only 20, almost 21... Yet, it hurts. A kind of hurt I had never felt. I've been with other guys (2 to be exact, in an actual relationship). With one of them we were together for about a year and a half. And this pain I feel, I swear i didn't even feel with that guy. Dan... I don't know what he did. I don't know why it hurts so bad. If shouldn't. But I can't help it. 

Worse is I see him every week. We sometimes go out, with everybody. Cause it's like we have the same social circle, so i can't avoid him. I see him, everywhere. And I am always faking a smile. I try, I swear. And It gets better with time. But it still hurts. 

Now it's worst. Cause he's dating this other girl. It hurts so bad. 

I have never been the type of girls who suffers SO MUCH for someone. Really, I'm kind of cold. But with Dan, I cant help it. I freaking can't. 

Okay, I have written far too much. I am sorry, if somebody reads this... I know I've been gone for so long. I am so sorry.

Hope you read this. You see, you can learn from others mistakes. Besides I really like the words Stephen gave to me. I think it is something we can all use. Something we can all work with... So yeah there it is.

Oh... I am fat by the way. This depression attacked my hungry side. Last week I was 140 pounds, back again. Yup... This week I've eating less than 800 cals per day. Hope to continue this way. My birthday is in a month.