Aug 31

Today's intake

1 glass of oatmeal - 75 cals

1 Bowl of boiled vegetables - 50 cals

2 slices of whole wheat bread - 100 cals

1 tspn of strawberry marmalade - 60 cals

1 tortilla with cheese - 180 cals

Total = 465 cals.

30 min on the elliptical  - 200 cals

465 - 200 = 265 cals

August 30 - FAST

Mom and dad are acting as if nothing happened yesterday. Oh well, whatever... They've gone out to have lunch, and later dad has a job interview. 

It's 1:30 & i haven't eaten. I'm fasting today, don't think tomorrow will be the same... Cause when i starve for too long i only end up having a binging fest. Tomorrow i'll have oatmeal, THAT'LL DO. 

It's raining. I love rainy days, but they depress me. It's raining and it is COLD! 

Ps.  hey guys, thank you for your lovely comments! :) I think i haven't thank you in a while, so thank you so much for your support. Love ya all tons. 

My bday is in exactly 3 weeks. today i've had about 1000 cals! Yuck!!! I'm back to 134. YUCK YUCK...

I need thinspo...

I'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find.

After 30 years standing each other, you never expect your parents to have problems. And you don't expect it to affect you, since you're 20. Old enough to assimilate something like that...  

& i haven't find the right moment to talk to dad and tell him i can't stand studying marketing anymore. Whenever i think is the right moment, things get worst. I guess it isn't about finding the right moment anymore, it's more like SPEAK before it all gets worse.

133

YEEEEEEEES!! :D 133!! :D:D:D 

I'm off to college in a few minutes! 

Hope you're all doing AWESOME! Love ya all tons!

134.3

Yesterday's fast went grrreat! :) Woke up today, took a shower and then weighed... 134.3, haha yeah whatever, it's not much. But yay! :) Small steps :D

Today i've had 300 cals so far. Liquids only.

I've had orange juice and papaya shake. :) 

Positive vibe

"And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may in fact, be the first steps of a journey."

I'm trying really hard to squish that quote into my brain. I'm fasting tomorrow. I'm planning on how to tell my dad i wanna drop college. NO, no i don't want to stop studying, i just  don't want to study marketing anymore, i want to follow my dreams. I

want to get a bachelor's degree in biology. Easy to say it, what kills me is that, as you know we're having financial issues. & dad has worked his ass of all of his life so we could have the best education. He has paid the tuition of some of the best colleges here. And now i wanna go study biology, to a public college? I don't know how you guys call it. It's not bad, in fact it's a really good college, and it's CHEAP. I know dad will support me. First it will be hard on him, cause right now his biggest preoccupation is me, paying college tuition. I'm scared, and i don't how to tell him. Any advice? PLZ. I'm just so confused :S. I don't even know where to start. ALSO, i maaay get a job at Fétiche, it a perfumery. I'm not sure yet, a friend of mine works there and she talked to her boss, so i think i have an interview on Thursday or Friday.

Stress...

I'm leaving for college in about 2 hours. I DON'T WANT TO GO. EVERYONE WILL NOTICE MY FAT UGLY SELF. :'( And they will all start asking questions, WHERE WERE YOUU? HOW DID YOUR VACATION GO? WHAT DID YOU DO? What am i supposed to say? "Uh yeah, went to the shrink, then she kinda dumped me, uh yeah." THE SHRINK? ARE YOU OKAY? "Uh yeah, now you see i just sort of have an ED and mom and dad caught me so they sent me there uh..." NOO NOO OF COURSE NOT!! I'm an awful liar. I guess i'll just say, uh not much, Just hang out. ? Yeah that'll do. OH MEN BUT PEOPLE WILL NOTICE MY FATNESS! This sucks this sucks!!! 

I need strength.  I'll fast tomorrow. My birthday less than a month from today. Sep 19th. Gosh, i'll be 20. I need to AT LEAST be 125.