WARNING, LONG POST

Hello my loves.

How have you all been doing? 

I've missed you! You know that, right? :)

Well I have to be honest. This wasn't my best week. I did great for the past... what? 3, 4 weeks? I haven't had a week like this one in a loooong time. It's not pretty. I haven't weighed. I won't weigh! Too damn scary and i'm sure i put a a few pounds these week. But hey, i'm a positive state right now. So, no worries. I'll lose them. -700cals a day worked perfect. So i'll do it again. Today i finished up 1/2 lt of vanilla ice cream. Yeah, what a failure. 

Sucky week. 

Dan, you remember him? Well  2 weeks ago he told Lu to tell Allie and me if we wanted to go to a concert. It's this not famous band who plays covers. They are good though. I was so overexcited cause i really wanted to see him! It was so much fun. TOO MUCH FUN. After the concert we went to have some beer. Dan sat next to me and he was all sweet and goofy, and he touched my leg and he touched my arm and he played with my hair and he kept on telling me i was such a nice girl, so much fun to be with blah blah blah. & i was all bubbly... Oh well. I even caught him telling Lu: "Luuu, tilda is so wonderful!! :)"

It was all going well until... apparently NOW Lu thinks Dan and Allie make a good couple, or well... good "one night stand". WHAT? Yes. I don't blame her, i mean they have no idea i'm into Dan. At least that's what i think. I've learned not to tell people when i fancy someone. They just end up screwing it up. ANYWAY.  Lu started bugging allie and Daan and OHHH HMMM DAAAN YOU SEE ALLIEE OHHH UUHHH EEEHH IIIH.  & i was like FUCK. I mean he didn't pay much attention to them BUT he did pay a little. I mean he "blushed" a few times and was all "hmm yeah alliee hmm ;)". I thought okay, whatever. WHO FUCKING CARES. 

Anyway by the end of the night we were a bit drunk and we got reealllly high. & i completely lost his attention. & Allie was daancing, DUDE she was acting sooo sluty! I didn't know that side of her! Funny thing is i was with Dan, singing jumping & dancing, & he was all OHH TILDA I LOVE THIS SONG LISTEN LISTEEN... And Allie was so drunk and she started dancing in a slightly very much SLUTY way in front of him. 

That night we stayed over at  Lu's house. Dan was going to stay at Ty's house (Dan's friend)  but Allie literally PUSHED him inside the Lu's house so he stayed with us. Anyway i sit down on Lu's bed and Dan sat next to me. We were talking... blah bla. & Lu said... "Dan you don't think you're going to sleep on my bed do youu? You guys (i assumed Dan & me)  should use the blue sofa. & one stays in with me.  I was going to stand up and go to the sofa ... and what happens? ALLIE runs to the sofa and intalls her butt there!!! I thought, "oh well... We're still a bit drunk, whatever i'm gonna sleep in Lu's bed." I mean the sofa is in the same room, BUT STILL. 

So, Allie and Dan sharing a sofa. Allie starts saying "omgosh but it's gonna be so cold later, i'll want somebody to hug meeeee" (with a whiny voice) I said, "Yeah, you should've thought about that before jumping to the sofa!... Night Allie" ... Dan laughed and fell asleep. I couldn't sleep so i turn on the tv. ... Allie says: "OMGOSH IT'S SO HOT IN HERE, Luuu borrow me a pijamaa please!" Lu gave her one and we thought Allie was going to the bathroom to change. NOT.

SHE FUCKING STOOD UP IN FRONT OF DAN, who was asleep by now but still!!!, AND FUCKING TAKES HER CLOTHES OFF!!! I SAID DUUUUUUDE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?. And by now SHE WAS NOT FUCKING DRUNK ANYMORE! BUT SHE ACTED DRUNK!!! And she said "oh just don't look tilda! I'm putting on some pijamas!" ... I turned off the tv and tried to fall asleep. BUT I WAS JUST TOO FUCKING MAD.I mean how desperate and pathetic does one have to be to act SO FUCKING SLUTY??!?!!? 

Okay. It's just a story. I love Allie, she's one of my best friends. BUT DAMN, she fuck it up, didn't she? I mean, DUDE where's your reputation? 

Anyway. Next morning Lu's grandma died. So we pretty much forgot about everything and were there to support her. We head off to our houses to take a bath. & we met up at 3 at the funeral. Dan arrived at 4. So stupid... But when he said hiii, he grabbed my neck and gave me a kiss on the cheak. So sweet. LOL. 

Anyway. Through out the week we spoke a few times and them he wrote me on facebook. He asked me how i have been, When we were going to see each other again... I told him i might meet him at UC college last wednesday cause i had and exam and i had to go. He didn't answer back. On wednesday i went to UC and he was there and he didn't treat me the same. He acted a bit cold. He didn't grabbed my neck and kissed my cheak. So i thought: "OH WELL, same story different people. Should've known it"  I walked away, made my exam.  & yes. When i got back home i ate half a pizza. :) 

Haven't heard of him since then. & i've been stuffing myself with whatever comes my way. Pizza, popcorn, ice cream, waffles, grilled cheese sandwiches, chocolate. I mean will i ever be enough for a boy? Will i ever be enough pretty? Enough thin? Enough wild? (which i'm not, at all) 

:( I'm sorry. I'm ending it TODAY.  No more crappy food.

I