ENOUGH

Lucy, you're so sweet. Thanks! :) Yes i had fun and i smiled all the time.

I had a good time.  I danced & danced. Tried not to think about my body. But it was a complete fail. Specially with the stupid photoshoot. I'm too insecure to have a photo shoot. My bro's wife was soooo excited, she wanted a picture of every single thing.

The photographer, i could tell he fancied me. Haha, it was so uncomfortable! First of, he was looking at me ALL THE TIME. Anywhere i went to he followed me with his eyes and when i caught him... he gave this goofy smile. Whatever i did he was behind me photographing it! I was like, dude stop it!!! Until he said hey can i take a  picture of you. JUST YOU please. I said: NO! he was like, ohh c'mon. Just stay there, right where you are... smile. i gave him a sarcastic smile. He said.. oh look! I look gross!!he said: Oh noooo, don't say that, you look beautiful.  Then we headed back to the hotel to finish the photo shoot.  He first arrived with his assistant in his assistant's car. So he HAD to go to the hotel with him. BUT nooo, we were just leaving when he stopped us and asked us if he could come with us. He didn't take off his eyes off of me all the way. I was like WTH? Then at the party he followed me all night. He followed me more than he followed the bride. Anyway. It was funny.

I was watching a tv show about obese teenagers. Gosh i don't EVER want to be like that.  EVER. It's so sad.

It reminded me my 14-17 years old period. Me 170 pounds. Not so "accepted my people. Don't you just HATE how everyone says: "Oh you are beautiful no matter you size". & yeah there you are, fat, & everyone looks at you with this "look". Pity? 

& now i compare that period to my 17/6 months - 18 6/months period. Me 124 pounds. Guys wanted me, girls envy me, i had more fun, i did great at school cause i felt secure in EVERY WAY. 

It's enough. I've said it so much, i sound redundant. But it really is enough. Life sucks when you're fat. All those who say they are completely happy weighing 200 pounds. Well that's bullshit. PURE BULLSHIT. Cause it's not fun. People don't treat you the same way. THEY JUST DON'T! 

My aunt, who lives in Canada, comes visit us on september. I haven't seen him in 3 years. So he still thinks i am HUGE. So when he comes back i want him to tell me OMG i didn't recognize you. You look so pretty. Blah blah.  3 months i have to weigh at least 120 pounds. ...

Sick and tired of everything, from today, i'll update. Every 2 days with my weigh & my bmi. Every two weeks with a picture. It's time to change & be who i really do want to be.