I live in a constant depression... It comes and goes, but it's there pretty much all of the time. I think i wrote about this in the past... People really don't get it but the thinner i am the better i feel... I may be 134 pound today and i feel "good"... But if i wake up tomorrow with 135 pound... OH LORD, don't even try to walk in front of a mirror cause i see a completely different person than i did yesterday. It's that serious and it is NOT normal, NOT right... But there really isn't much i can do to change it, you know?
I have to admit, i always wonder whether i should make time in my schedule and actually start posting daily, they way i did before... But then i get scared, i don't want to be trapped in this all my life. I just wish i could love myself the way i am... But who am i kidding? That never worked and will never work for me. I have been in this for almost 8 years now. WOW. Time goes by so fast... And you know how you always think, in 5 yeas everything is going to be so fucking awesome. Well... NO.
Of course, things will never get fucking better if you don't try to make them better. Whenever i am serious about this, it's like everything starts working on my favor, you know? I start losing weight, i start feeling better... Therefore i start going out more and meeting a lot more new people...
But that's not how things are now. Of course they're not.
You see, this years things changed so so so much. My best friend (Or so i think) had to leave the country. I never got to say goodbye, she got very sick, she almost died... She came back 2 weeks ago, she leaves in 2 weeks, and then... I have no idea when we will see each other again. This fucking kills me. I have never been the friendly type of girl, you know? I've always had few friends and done crazy shit but just with this few friends i keep close to me. I don't trust people... I don't know what i'll do without her.
I wish i had some positive shit to say... But i don't! Oh well...
4 comments:
i think im going to start being on here daily again. but it isnt the same anymore, i dont know whats leeft of the community i used to know.
i hope things start working out for you, love. and i hope your friend gets better.
stay lovely. <3
Hey sweetie,
the pic in my post is of Falasarna, in western Crete (Greece).
It's an almost unknown place, very cheap (although kinda difficult to reach since far from airports).
You know until 4 years ago I used to live in France? Well, my best friend ever is still there, although planning to move to Italy as well, and I miss her like crazy... Yet, staying in touch these days is easy!
I hope you have a good weekend
xoxo
Lucy
I realize this might be of little comfort to you, especially if your best friend is not in a very good place right now, but let me tell you something... I'm always the person who leaves (people, places, memories, mess and so on), and it's best to look at it this way-- people come, people go, but we always leave traces behind us, and the people we love and care about are always with us, for we carry them in our hearts.
I agree with Sofia wholeheartedly- the community I used to know in here has changed so much, but then...change is the only sure thing in life, and instead of looking back, we need to enjoy the present, and look forward to what (and who) will enter our lives next.
Lots of love from a new follower,
Lu.
Darling, it's Bella.
I missed you, and your words.
I hope you're okay, now, and that things are getting easier; or at least not any harder.
You'll make it, in the end. Don't forget that.
x
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